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*** gengki the newbie ***
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Sunday, 31 October 2004 Things i did today: 1. watched bridget jones' diary and romy and micheles' high school reunion-- i like these movies. although my dad blatantly said na ampanget. i don't care. i like renee zelwegger and i love romy and michele. kitch and i have been thinking of putting up a romy and michele get-up on julia's costume party. i would be lisa kudrow and she would be mira sorvino. my dad got irked after finding out that my brother lent the House of flying daggers CD. Well, i said they're not as good as crouching tiger so it's ok. He, again, blatantly said that at least it's better than what ABS-CBN produces and that ABS-CBN people can't make a film like that. Ok, i see the point. We have issues here. 2. cleaned old tapes-- and look what i found! i still have the first album of cranberries and the revolver album of the beatles. i also found barbra streisand's concert series and the burt bacharach tape. it's like finding treasures. I figured, there seems to be a mixed variety of musical types in our house depending on the tapes i found: a.U2-War album b.Shania Twain-Come on Over Album (the one with the hit "still the one") c. The Smiths (the band who sung the OBB of Charmed) d. Chuck berry (sweet little sixteen) e. Max Bennet and Freeeway f. UB40 (Promises and Lies) g. Pink Floyd 3. Blog and check emails and write a resignation letter--- i have to use the search engine and type 'how to write a resignation letter' for this. Oh, i have 2 entries just for this day. changes am i right? there's this song sung by a beautiful black singer with the likes of aretha and roberta stating that change is cool. i heard it sung by a pinoy pop superstar contestant. it stuck in my mind. well, change is cool. not as breezy as it seems but indeed change is cool. *my biggest change would be the fact that i am again in the lopez compound. less commuting hassle since my apartment is just a sneeze away from it. 9-6 jobs aren't for me, so is makati. i really can't stand it, being there everyday. waiting for the time to strike at six. what a waste, just thinking about it makes me want to roll my eyes in boredom. We can never really get what we want. Everything has a catch. This change would mean less sleeping hours and more eyebags. More pressure and ngarag moments, but i think, it's much better than trying to make eye contact with the office mice. *I knew this would happen. Damn. It did. I think its a curse. For one week, he can't help but not check me out. Day in or out. Lunch in or out. I have calculated the time when will my phone get a text and i know that its from him. When he will call and what he will say. I never asked for it and i never pressured him into setting his pace for me. I knew that something would turn out unfamiliar. Now that i have set a pace for him, he then stops. Why can't you just follow the path you set for me? Now, you break it away. Geez, men shouldn't just make you comfortable in a pattern then break away from it just like that? Wait, what is this? A new breed of familiarity? Well, i have to second the motion. Change is cool. But, it's cold this time. Saturday, 30 October 2004 STRIKINGI am back. I am again a Kapamilya. After months of pursuing what i want and straining my toes in Makati, I am back.
From my employee history, I once rescued myself from complete personality decline at the arms of just one unbeautiful person. That person is more than ugly, he is unbeautiful. I beguiled people into thinking that i was off to Singapore for another academic sojourn. No I wasn't, it was because of that hideous higanteng bakla and theatre. Theatre was the more positive reason to change my mind, i didn't give in to the higanteng bakla. And now I am back. This isn't vengeance, it's just a serious case of reality really biting at it's sharpest tooth. I wish to have a clone. I just happened to step on some shit. Wednesday, 27 October 2004 Heaven or Sex (part 1)This is my comparison to some of the best chocolate things my tastebuds have encountered. I have yet to taste the rest of the Heaven and Sex stuff. These are my personal recommendations as i have been a constant Magellan on the look out for the wickedest chocolate stuff created on earth! 1.Chocolate Ecstacy--- Marnie introduced me to this wonderfully cheap but surprisingly delectable chocolate cake while she was waiting for me in G4 to wartch a religious play of her friends. Ecstacy is an understatement. Heroin is less apt but marijuana comes a bit closer upon experiencing this friggin cake. 35pesos per slice makes it more heavenly and legal on the pocket. You can get in 3 for a hundred bucks and you're off to higher state of mind. Oh, you can get it at HUNGRYPAC in G4 at the Food Choices area. It's a humble place that unconsciously breeds addictive chocolate concoctions. 2. BTS cake or Better than Sex--- Toper dropped the name of the cake and i was curious. Of course, who couldn't be? I was a virgin then. Haha! I once brought a friend to this quaint little place near Ateneo on my first salary. I told her that there's this chocolate dessert you might think of sinking her teeth into since she was eager to have herself deflowered. The place was called GAYUMA. It was not a brothel for girls, but wait till you taste THIS. She was literally blown away. You see, this friend and I go through theatrics upon discovering something really new. I told her the name of the cake and she laughed. So, lolah, how was it like on your first orgasm? Thank God for heaven! Thank God for sex!And thank God for cocoa! Saturday, 23 October 2004 UNBOUND > woke up with my pores today. we don't have decent curtains so the sun really gave a blast on my eyes. somehow i felt i could be blinded and that was the first time i felt that after living and waking up in the same apartment for months now. perhaps the sun was saying something. wake up honey, you'll be surprised. kitch lay perpendicularly splat on the floor, she doesn't look as blinded as me. i checked on the mirror to see if a new pack of zits are there to behold. and then i smiled at myself. funny, i had this mischievous grin as if i had great sex last night. No sex last night. It was better than that. >reggae nights at timog is much anticipated with our sabog dance at xaymaca. kitch and i were avid followers of puto and irene--band members and friends alike. We had to let go. Ourselves. Our money. Our movement. Our minds. Our skirts. It was the rule, a sub-concious manifesto for people flocking that sanctuary. Damn, just let go. Suddenly, I saw the Hubby. Kitch said i was too conscious. I was happy to feel bound that night. To break the rule. To not let go. I was with the Hubby and I was bound to him. San Miguel really has wonders for bridging unkowns and loners. Gush moments similar to the high I get from cocoa fluttered while i was consciously dancing. I let go of my eyes and shoulders just to feel the limits that i have at that exact moment. We were inseparable. Limits weren't that bad. I never felt this free. >What an unfamiliar morning. The sun almost hurt my eyes. I guess nature has a way of telling you if someone has disturbed your personal ecosystem. A natural disturbance. Mother Nature is conniving once again. We'll figure out if it's towards or against me. Meanwhile, pores are slowly in absentia. Must be my Nivea Creme. Wednesday, 20 October 2004 HELP!By sunday i would have to present a scenario in a MRT. Although i have ideas, but i still need stuff to inject conflict. Ok, so what can a girl, her employee and his obnoxious boss talk inside the MRT? THere should be a conflict. SOmething should happen between their ride from Cubao Station to Ayala Ave. The girl is around 22 years old, a fresh grad. The obnoxious boss is well... obnoxious. Greedy, very bossy. Come on pitch in! Saturday, 16 October 2004 SOPRANO 2 And suddenly I want to have a singing career. I did my usual explanation that I am not a singer and I was sick so pardon my voice. I feel that if i begin to croak, a Korg keyboard would be hurled like a boomerang on my throat. Mr. Music just flashed a grin. Blues singer Billie Holiday came into mind as i was belting out a few lines from Whitney Houstons' "The Greatest Love of All". At least, i was comforted by my mental image. I was able to introduce myself through my voice by croaking some ma-ma-maaaaaa with serious listening of the tones struck by the keyboard and another round of vocal range test. Oh dear, i was just singing. What the fuck was my fuss all about? It wasn't as if i was singing in front of Hitler who could decapitate me with a bread knife if he doesn't like it. It was just singing, it's as normal as peeing. Our master musicman, a UP vocal coach with the striking image of a mongrel, made me sit down and listed my name under S2. I asked a friend what does S2 mean. "Ano yun sinto-sinto yung boses ko?" "Gaga! Soprano 2 ka. Umupo ka dun sa kabila, alto dito" At the risk of exagerration, I went out of the Aldaba Hall and fell silent to thank God. I was that thankful. A sublimal urge told me that i should take advantage of this. Lola geng, karirin mo na ito. Right now, I am listening to Les Miserables particularly Javert's Suicide Soliloquy. I like Javert more than Jan ValJean. Such a grim and dark character.
Wednesday, 13 October 2004 NOSEFor two weeks straight i haven't put on any make-up. I think that's three. I still use Nivea when i want to feel good at night. At least some cream is dependent on my imperfect skin. I miss samner. i try not to trivialize her absence with the fact that she has a lovelife and i don't. I still have bouts with lonely nights at the apartment. Trainings and required play reading occupy my non-chalant artistic existence. I almost lost my voice last week to some bitter cold and awful runny nose. I have small wounds near my nose out of habitual tissue brushing. I feel that my nose conspired to wreak havoc on my life. This thursday i will have to sing and vocalize in front of theatre people for our voice training. Shucks. I'm thinking of an opening song. I thought of Fantasia Barino's version of the Greatest Love of All but with all my nasal bickerings, i might belt out the greatest Nose of all. I sound so lousy on the microphone. When Paulie and i met for Himala i brought along my make-up. He knew i was going to bring my make-up. He was sick and I was sick. So make-up we did. Somehow, i feel make-up has its own purpose, something profound than mere highlighting one's face. But then again, it's just you and me, only in color. Sunday, 10 October 2004 THE MIRACLE AT HUSENG BATUTE The word batute makes me think of batuta. hehe. Word proximity. Aside from that thought, I love Batute. I mean Tanghalang Huseng Batute at the CCP. My college theatre friends namely Paulie, Chubibo, Kublai Khan, Lucifer and me watched Himala (The Musical) yesterday at the Little Theater. It was ironic, the Little Theatre was 'bigger' than Huseng Batute. There were two versions of Himala. One was in Batute staged a couple of months ago and this one, the most recent, in Little Theatre. Nothing beats Batute. My Dad took me to watch his play in CCP, and that was when I first met this stage called Huseng Batute. I was in high school and i think it was my first time to visit CCP. I breezed through the front of house based on the claim that I am the playwright's daughter (to which they had to confirm since my Dad left me wandering in the beauty of the CCP lobby). It was small, almost the aura of a small hippie bar in the outskirts of Malate. It was very romantic. It was huddled. It makes you feel that the actors would want to group hug with you. After that imagined group hug, you'd cry for them, wince with them, laugh with them, feel ashamed with them and be one with them. As usual, Himala was a classic tear jerker for me. Napakasakit. May Bayot as Elsa was very good but I empathized with her more months ago when I saw her in Batute. She has surpassed the idea that singers just sing. Dulce, who played as Elsa's mama in the Batute staging, was a singer in that play. Elsa's mom this time at the Little Theatre, played by Cynthia Guicos, was a mother who can really sing. Songs aren't for the catchy pop, it's basically a loving kundiman type. I like this musical play. It makes me want to be a taumbayan of Barrio Cupang and a teary eyed audience at the same time. I imagine Elsa, with her white peasant tops, mingling with Cosette, Eva Peron, Christine and Mary Magdalene in some international cocktail party. I know it will take years and jobs even love lives, but hold on mang jose... Saturday, 09 October 2004 08 OctoberDEAR GOD, I saw myself for the first time on film. I got really scared. My fright was anticipated for every scene i knew i am part of. The scariest part is that i'm being viewed by future shapers of the local film industry. Me and Antoinette arrived late and just in time for our film at UP. My teeth were clenching for every scene that i see myself. Was i ok? Did i look like a probinsyana? How about my nose? I don't look like myself on black and white film. My fanciful delightness for chocolate was imminent. Then the lights turned on and everyone looked happy. French had to listen to her mentors about the film. For the first time somebody loved me other than You and my Dad. It was real good. The feeling. Tuesday, 05 October 2004 05 octoberi almost feel like a student again but i never had classmates so intellectually challenging and dumbfounding. yesterday i attended a talk on globalization-- it's part of an artistic training i get from PETA. Everybody's talking and talking and talking. i find it new for so many people having so many thoughts. makes me want to shut up and listen and then makes me feel like im a UP grad since most "classmates" are from UP. I get to talk sometimes but then i become conscious after if what i just said mattered. i think im having a glitch. lately, some unlogged visitor has been harshly commenting on other comments or was it on my blog? i don't know. i thought it was my dad since he can meanly cut a critic when it comes to my writing. he knows that im blogging but he doesn't know the URL. hehehe. he's always asking me the URL but i said nakakahiya. and on second thought, it couldn't be my dad since he's not LIKE THAT. He won't give a shit about Kris Aquino anyway. and to that unlogged visitor, whoever you are, let's drink to freedom of expression and all its misconceptions. |
This has been my sanctuary for four years already. It's my extension. Almost like a limb out in the open. Know that people want to express, to just chuck it out, to just be themselves even on something as artificial as blog. I am that people. So don't mind me... counter
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