gengki the newbie

in the virgin forest i enter. gengki spanks and smites. love is all you need but then again i need chocolate too.

 

ANATOMIYA AT KUNEKSYON

HAY! I just got a massage from a theatre friend. While doing that she discussed that a single error in a human's organ can really affect other organs in the body. So the internal organs apply the principle of the bugok na kamatis. I think its different with people. One can be in the company of the bugok na kamatis and still protect her plumpness. It depends how fresh and plump the kamatis is. But it needs to be with the fresh kamatises from time to time so the bugok na kamatises won't get her plumpness and be a bugok na kamatis herself. Very familiar setting...

The masahe was bitin so i trooped to my official masseur in Philcoa---the blind people. I have a regular masseur there whom i featured in a show way back when i was just starting out in TV.

Disturbance #1 Somebody tried to make tambay behind my back to take a peek at my writing. I gazed at him and made my feelings felt that i want my fucking computer privacy and he's trying to take that away from me.Makuha ka sa tingin kung ayaw mong butasin ko yang tiyan mo.

My feet are getting bigger by the night and then they go back to its normal size in the morning. It's funny, sometimes my feet looks like they are owned by the Cojuangcos and then the next day they look like they are owned by the farmers of Hacienda Luisita. Yeah, my feet are in oppositional auras. They look protected and rich and then the next they look massacred and belittled. But they can look so horrible you can plant rootcrops.

My legs. Right now, they are bitten by ants near my bed. They bear scars of my mountain girl past but i glorify these like black medals and badges of honor for mother nature. We used to do reforestration projects in Sierra Madre and Montalban. I was a taga-bundok who can really walk miles. I can cut talahib higher than me and i was able to identify trees with their leaves and their medicinal benefits. That's why I don't get fat, i owe my metabolism to my bundok days. Poodrahbel, the brothers and I were out to save the world. at wala pang Captain Planet na cartoons nun.

My blind masseur is absent. Its 7pm when i got here in Philcoa so they're off to their homes.

Oh ERICH won. Haha! I like this girl. She's so lost--i mean her character. She's like an okra blending in a fruit salad.

posted by: gengcooker at 11:49 | link | comments |

HAPPENINGS

Time must be the ultimate diva. And that being intangible, adds up to its heightened yet humble presence in a human's life.  Time wanes and drains and siphons and gets you back from your downfall. And the biggest mistake is to waste the diva that is Time.  I just don't know why people belittle such innate character.  

Yesterday. I just wasted 8 of them. Including mine. So that's 9.  I was ngarag for 5 days searching and questing  for impossible guests for our new show. You get their numbers, contact them as much as possible through landlyn then contact them through cell phone, convince, praise, loathe, be interested in them and try to convince them again, ask them personal questions, laugh at them and thank them for being convinced. And that's only one. Some people agree to absent themselves from work and class just to entertain my invitation. I was mentally stressed since its on my mind and mouth for 5 days and I couldn't sleep because of it. Come taping day where everybody's dolled up for their 5 minutes of fame somebody calls that the taping is packed-up.

Teka lang...

I don't get it.  I just don't fucking get it. This is not Math but i don't get it. How do i tell them that? i don't want to be the harrower of bad tidings. Somebody had to tell it.  That somebody came after I had my speech that because of technical problems (the most cliche of all problems in production) they had to go home. She told  it like she was just announcing a sunday school meeting. Our main host wanted to step down from his pedestal and  personally apologize but he wasn't allowed to leave the studio. 

This barbaric woman of the 40s with a starved sexlife and no atom of respect for Time called up and tried to bloat up her ego by demanding that I should be the one apologizing and explaining to them why the taping fucked up. Ha! Where is your  face?  Kung ang hair ng mga nililigawan ay umaabot hanggang Jolo. Ang face mo nasa Babuyan Islands. Ergo: Ang Kapal mo ning! Someone didn't do their homework and now I'm the one to be lashed out. Wala tayo sa soap opera at hindi ako si Judy Ann. Pakshet ka.

Well, me, being such a  peaceful person with Medusa ways  striked back. " Sorry ha, Hindi ko kaya sabihin eh". That plain but with full horse power.

The sumbat is all on me. Some of the guests value time to the extent that they would text me words apt for people who only value time. Shucks, as much as i don't want to be part of your what ifs and what could have been, but I am now a part of what is now.

And because of that my second love came back to comfort me---chocolate.

And comfort it did.

posted by: gengcooker at 20:56 | link | comments (3) |

 While eating Tuna and Drinking Chocolate...

Its 4am. And i just ate tuna sandwhich and drank chocolate swiss miss. Ito na naman ang mga alone moments ni kukay. things are starting to reel it in. I haven't really thought about serious stuff in life. I just hate fussing. There is a lot to fuss about myself but at least they are built in kumbaga my whole personality has batteries in it. I just like fussing over the small stuff. Like how my pores can really make its presence felt, like how to get the softest skin without using too much lotion. I am a semi-narcissist.

And then i thought, everything is all about me. I don't know what's next and I do not want to know what's next. I don't even claim it as a bahala na attitude, i feel i have more control from whatever situation that sticks in.

I have been in absentia for almost all my life.

Ewan.

posted by: gengcooker at 21:16 | link | comments (1) |

o siya...

Nakita ko na rin si ate shawie. shucks. she's really big. Tv is so apt to her face because her face is as big as a TV screen. Nakakatawa nga eh, kasi di ako maka-lapit sa kanya. I had to whisper to my AP na ipakilala ako sa kanya since I poured sweat, bones and eyebags for her birthday special. Gosh, di naman ako makalapit. Starstruck ang lola nyo. I also informed zara that I am 10 seats away from Jericho Rosales. Haha! Proximity breeds familiarity. Feeling ko nagtu-tumbling ang lola zara sa aking impormasyon. Hardcore talaga ito.  Tinitigan ko nga si Echo. U-huh. At gwapo talaga siya.

Walang kapantay na ka-gwapuhan.

Pero iba pa rin si Piolo... Ibang istorya ito.

***

At nagkita na rin kami. Pero deadma pa rin. I told my self that i won't waste time on someone who won't waste time on me. Leche. Kung ayaw mo di wag. Nagpakita na ako ng mga signs. If you won't do anything about it, then fuck you. Grave, medyo di na ata maganda ang ugali ko as a human being. I can easily write the f-word  in the true sense of the word. Kasi naman,  i have resigned myself to carpe Homme (as in seizing the man). Shet ka. I should be the one seized and buttered up for heaven's sake. Traditionally, I'm the woman, I deserve such traditional acts. Although alam kong equality chuva na ang mga press release ngayon, but still.

But still!

Para akong nag-hallucinate sa aking self-declaration na aasawahin ko siya. Diyos ko. Tiwang tiwang ata ako nung mga panahong yun.

Binabawi ko na. (ala Sharon Cuneta mode)

Binabawi ko na! ( ala-Nora Aunor mode)

posted by: gengcooker at 09:27 | link | comments |

 I DO LIKE HER

U-huh.

Yes. After doing a forced raket for her birthday special. (The current reason for me to be a bit ngarag and wide awake even at 4am). After seeing her in all her lumba-lumba aura. After confessing that she's 39 and she knows that she can buy beauty. After telling that she has the money to buy it. After seeing an old episode of her--- happily chit-chatting with her then on-screen nemesis who once ruled the pinilakang tabing with the famous "You're nothing but a second rate trying hard copycat!" 

Yes. After seeing the sincerity of her pathetic tearducts everytime some common tao wishes her well. After seeing her get an award reserved only for non-showbiz people. After seeing her potential as an ST star in a shower scene with a past flame and co-star. After seeing her wipe some left-over mumu in her husbands mouth.

Yes. I began to like her. I like her now.

I know I'm an unconfessed Noranian.  I love the drama that is Nora. Her mole. Her height. Her dignified jologs look. Her most sought after voice and intonation (Utilized talaga ang mga lited ni mother Nora). Her unlearned wisdom in the craft (diyos ko! feel na feel mo ang emote up to her dry siko... at take note... nakatalikod pa lang yan...). Her scandal with a fledging actor (Ampotang Dranreb Belleza). Her scandal with her adopted kids(Matet, anak, san ako nagkamali..). Her scandal while she acts.

But, right now, I like this girl for some vague reason. She has existed for more than 25 years in the boob tube, in EDSA, in our cellphones, in our ice cream and in McDonalds, but i just liked her after 4 days. 

My likeness gives me a desire to see her in person, get her autograph and a picture and put it in my mirror.

Gosh.

Never felt that for La Aunor.

posted by: gengcooker at 17:36 | link | comments (4) |

GRABEEEH!!!

pakShet!

Totoo na to! Todo naaaahh!

Para akong tanga. Nawala ang lahat ng pinag-aralan ko sa pag-arte at pagtuturo kung paano umarte. Bigla akong napaayos ng buhok sa sobrang kaba. Kumabog ang puso ko.  Grabe talaga! Gusto kong sumabog at sumunggab sa sobrang ewan. Feeling ko nag-blush ako. Uminit ang batok ko. Hindi ko alam kung natutuwa ako pero ang ngiti ko ay iba sa mga nakaraang ngiti sa tanang ng pamumuhay ko dito sa mundo.

Para akong haiskul. Di ko nakayanan. Lahat naman kinakaya ko. Nawala ako sa aking balance of the world. Umaapaw ako. Kumaripas ako ng takbo at dali-daling tumawag sa celfone. Napa-inom ako ng kape. Buti na lang nakapag-toothbrsuh ako. At naka-pag concealer. at nakapag-blush ng konti. at nakapag-lip balm.  

Pumunta ako ng CR. Maluha-luha. Umupo ako sa toilet bowl para lumuha ng tahimik. Tumawa ng tahimik. Nakidalamhati pa ang mga uhog ko. Lumabas ako sa cubicle na may ningning sa mata. Inayos ang sarili. Tinitigan ko ang sarili ko ng matagal sa salamin. Para akong tanga.

Kinausap ko ang sarili ko at ang sabi ko:

"Aasawahin kita..."

Shet. Para akong tanga.

posted by: gengcooker at 19:15 | link | comments (2) |

 ROOTED FRIENDS

Good thing to start the new year---with friends. All of them came bouncing in this arrogant year of the wooden rooster or ang taon ng kahoy na tite as paulie would translate it in his own imagination.  None were arrogant, just arrogant experiences told to their humble mistress that is me. My rooted theatre friends still call me an ASSUMPTIONISTA, because i assume too much.  The ASSUMPTIONISTA in me makes her presence felt  when i get frustrated in plays mounted by our mother theatre org in college. Paulie has this way of making hirit that exceeds my ASSUMPTIONISTA level into a BELLA FLORES. I become a kontra-vida tuloy.  But the POVEDANS are another story... and the MIRIAMITES and the one and only DOLPHINIAN....

I have character friends/actors.

Mansanas and I met up in a dilapidated mall in Commonwealth. You see, as much as i try to diss and act like an assumptionista in that freak of a mall, she still outweighed that feeling with the news she brought. And suddenly the news made me feel like we were in Rockwell. She introduced me to her first and new pamangkin--- a baby girl. She let me carry that human wonder to my paranoia of me historically enticing all possible mishaps in the world. If only these babies could really mouth words, I would have asked her how was it like living for 5 months. And we would compare mine of 22 years. 

Now if that could happen, I would like for her to teach me what she learned in 5 months.

posted by: gengcooker at 08:41 | link | comments |

MGA DAPAT TANDAAN:

1.Always be friendly. But choose who to befriend. Ok. Hindi ako friendly na tao kasi mahiyain ako.

2. There are a lot of ugly people and ugly things going on in this world. One cannot afford to look ugly. I agree! To moisturizers!

3. Set goals. Goal-setting is next to goal-getting. I second the motion!

4.Anything that occurs once can never happen again. Should it happen twice, then it will definitely happen for the third time. I got this from Anya's blog as quoted from Paolo Coelho. So true!

5. Never constitute or be the cause of someone's humiliation. Wag kang pasaway!

6. Never brag. Keep still and silent. Let the work speak for itself. Be humble. Self-humility is power and beyond.

7.Always be thankful for anything that you put inside your mouth. Eating is the most underrated gift God gave to humans. Wag lang lamon ng lamon.

8.Always go for truth with compassion. Truth is like a whack in the face while compassion provides the cushion to fall from that whack. This one came from the Tibetan beliefs of the Dalai Lama.

9. Unless you are mad, passionate and crazy over someone, then it's worth it. Kundi rin lang ganun ang nararamdaman mo, libog lang yan.

10. Ang Pag-ibig ay Pag-ibig pa rin, kahit di mo maangkin! Gays and Lesbians and failed fucking romances, unite!

11. If you know that you are good in something. Then by hell, be really be good at it.Tama na ang pa-feeling humble kung alam mo naman magaling ka dun! Wag ka lang talagang papalya. and remember item #6

12. Know when to bitch and bitch it with style. Ergo: Thou shalt not cast your pearls before swine.

13. Utang na loob, Past is past.

posted by: gengcooker at 05:57 | link | comments (3) |