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*** gengki the newbie ***
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Thursday, 24 February 2005 ON A NIGHT LIKE THATI am beginning to like unplanned events and less meaningful conversations. I woke up at 7pm yesterday to watch a play in UST. Yes, the old college of whatever it is that makes me a notch higher now. I came an hour late so it was almost on the last act so i just read a folio. Everybody was happy and i felt like a flatline so i went to the loners' hub that is the church. The only place where i can remain and feel like as if talking to someone who knows me well. I didn't pray but i had thoughts on what was happening. I've been thinking too much. I was indirectly talking to myself. Mansanas came and hitched me a ride and again the cliche of old friends seeing each other. Grabe ang payat mo na naman!. I said i was goin back to basics and wanted to plant seeds of humble revenge. She said what the hell was i doing in ABS and working for some Ateneo-educated Waray celebrity. Well, I do not like him in the first place and it doesn't bother me. GMA friends have the same comment so does Poodrahbel who always and never fails to spot a dust in my life. At least I am not in the showbiz jungle where the guy also appears. But she insisted what the hell was i doing there. I know, i know. Gosh, its so much of a struggle to explain everything that you like and don't like. I am like a discoverer. of course, there is nothing new to discover and i guess it's not based on the new stuff to discover but having new pairs of eyes. Well, as much as you and they don't like it, I'm always seeing them with new pairs of eyes. I met kitsi too and we talked about the moon and cloud formation and how phallic they can be. I remember a scene in a play written by my very handsome director in GMA. 2 sixteen year olds were inlove and tried to make a love vow at the moon. Then suddenly while they were vowing to the moon, the clouds came over and the moon was nowhere in sight. Years later the couple separated. Oh yeah, that was our common bond for the love of theater. We talk about plays we read and saw. Kitsi said that it's good if you have your most desired intangible thing within your reach even if it pains you to have it. Yeah. Damn good. "But what if that desired thing came to you and pricked you?" I asked. Let the blood begin. Monday, 21 February 2005 MON CHERI Well, i forgot to tell you about valentine's day. It wsn't sweet though but I spent the consumerist V-day or my declared V-day on the beaches of Puerto Galera. I've been there thrice with three different persons/people. I had the most horrible boat ride, thanks to you Villa Natividad shipping lines. I should have taken the MB Brian or just flew like a Mulawin so as not to ride that dilapidated boat. It's not really dilapidated but it made me feel dilapidated. I almost threw up. One shouldn't eat Pringles Sour Cream and Onion lest you cause a vouluntary pumping of your stomach beacuse of that boat ride. It was horrible. I suddenly began to relive my hate with movies that concern water and drowning. I told once before in my blog that i don't like catching breaths. I had a disastered date before because he let me watch that movie Open Water instead of Shark's Tale. It was such a macho thing to do, choosing the film Open Water for Sharks' Tale. Because it was too pambata and too Batibot. Ha! I cringe at the thought of men not wanting to watch a Disney film as if a vein would be erased in their chiseled arms. I'd gladly chisel your face for your convenience. And then an earthquake came while we were watching it. Total disaster date. I couldn't even talk after that. I couldn't even sleep because of that movie. It's a negative perception of the sea without really trying to. Although, it's understood that it was an accident but it still kept me praying to God to let me die in a firing squad but do not let me drown and make an unti-unting kitil of my breath. The boy became a disaster too. The earthquake was a sign and so did the water in the film. Mother Nature has artificial and natural ways of giving signs to the men I'm with. About the V-day? Well, it might just be in time and Paulie would gain another lukot in her ampalaya life but i would like to be narcissistic and state that my boyfriend gave me chocolates. I particularly liked the Mon Cheri. I asked him what do they mean, he said it means 'my cute' in french. It really got me kilig, someone giving you chocolates. I am anticipating another knee jerk reaction from a bitter friend again who was always indirectly happy for my love state. Poodrahbel said that an ampalaya that has less kulubot means it does not have enough power to ward off diabetes. Meaning it does not fulfill its purpose of providing enough vitamins for the body. Well, i suggest that to my Paulie friend to take all the bitterness there is for when you meet someone to cure himself of diabetes then you could really fulfill your purpose. And you have more to give. That's what's important. Tuesday, 15 February 2005 TSUNAMI # 1 Well, a personal wave of tsunami came tumbling through my week and it really caught me off guard. It must be one of my work hazards as a media person but it was my first time to ever meet an opportunistang bading. My beautiful EP called me up one fine day telling me that someone called in the office and tried to threaten our show. This guy said he would expose us in GMA (our rival network) because of the following accusations of which was directly pointed at me: 1. I dropped them of somewhere and they got lost 2. Bastos daw ako Now, being a blogger, this is my shining moment to defend myself in an invisible court of hallucinations cast by some bading of the block. 1. I did not drop them off somewhere because they were the ones who chose not to drop them off in their place since it will take long. and how could they be lost, it was just a block away from their home. They were the ones who instructed my driver to drop them off that fucking bend so that means they know that friggin place. And now they tell me they got lost in their own place. 2. I am capable of being bastos in extreme situations. i know that. But i know that i was not bastos with him. They were the ones who tried to make me an uto-uto by demanding that i give them extra 1000 pesos. After giving that homosexual my personal money of 500 pesos fare to fetch his mom in Pampanga, now he wants another 1000 because they have no money to leave sa probinsya. Ateng, alam ko mukha akong uto-uto pero di ako tanga. Oh and He didn't fetch his mom as we agreed but he fetched his Tita instead. He knew that I needed his Mom's story and that was the whole point of me trying to give them money and even offering to fetch them in Pampanga. He didn't even brief his Tita that she was to appear on TV and retell their supposed abusive past. I found out from true blue Pampanguenos living in Manila that the fare going back and forth costs around 300-400 for 2 people. I asked the boy to keep the trip ticket so i can have it reimbursed, he said he forgot about the ticket and tried to act by telling me that he was so tired in the bus and was so worried about his Mom and things were kinda crazy. Honey, you are talking to an actor here. You were trying to act. It wasn't a performance level. Ergo: di ako tanga. The wonderful things a callused lipped bading can plot just to have money and be on TV at the same time. That's a double jeopardy. I cannot believe I could be threatened like that to ruin my name. Me, in an expose segment, as if im a corrupt congressman. I can almost imagine myself in a hidden camera set-up with Mike enriquez's booming voice. They've had their supposed 15 minutes of fame. I' ve had 10 minutes of fuming madness. I prayed to God for 30 minutes just to block all the curses i made to someone who was just victimized by the hallucination that is television. Amen. Wednesday, 09 February 2005 ANG KATAPUSAN NG KANGARAGAN At nakakapag-suot nako ng heels ngayon. At nakakapag -palda na ako with matching lace na isang hulas na lang pwede nang night gown. At nagagamit ko na rin ang lipstick na binigay sa akin ng tita ko 2 christmases ago. at nakaka-inom nako ng mahigit 5 beer ng walang sumusuka't pumapanget. at nasusuot ko na rin ang mga hikaw kong matagal na nagtampo sa mga pa-safe image kong accessories. at nakaka-panood na rin ako ng mga premier ng pelikula kasama si leila. at kayang kaya ko na maglakad na para akong si Gisele Bundchen. at halos araw araw ay nahihiga ko ang pasaway kong likod sa aming egg-shell inspired na kama. Our run of the mill showbiz factory show has ended. Di mo nako makakasalubong na naka-litaw ang isang strap ng bra ko. Di mo na ako makikitang oily ang hair ko. Di mo nako makikitang naninilaw ang ngipin. Di mo na ko makikitang naka-dikit palagi ang cellphone sa tenga ko. Di mo na akong makikitang nagpupumilit rumampa ng alas tres ng umaga. Di mo na makikitang nakasimangot ng di ko napapansin. Binigyan ko na rin ng sick leave ang mga running shoes ko. Nahimlay na rin sa kikay kit ang mga itim kong gomang ginagamit na panali sa buhok. Sapagkat lugay ever ang lola mo with matching crystal barrettes. Maayos na ang buhay ko ngayon. Payapa at tumatakbo ang sariling ilog ng aking buhay sa aking bagong assigned na trabaho. Parang may tumutubong bulaklak sa bawat hakbang ko. Lagi na akong naka-itim na bra. Nararamdaman ko na ang init ng araw at ang usok ng Manila. Nakakapunta na rin ako ng Makati paminsan minsan. Napagbigyan na rin ulit ako umarte pero ito'y ibang istoryang mapait. At kung pagpapalain ako ng Diyos. Sa tingin ko, tumitino na ang lovelife ko. Monday, 07 February 2005 IN A EUROPEAN STATE OF MIND Well, he's here. Him and his belgian chocolates. Him and his belgian waffles. He's back and as charming as ever. I giggle as i write since i have been contradicting my own bodily reactions in anticipation of his come back from Europe. This is word of mouth vs word of body. I said I won't be fussing over this since it's been quite long since we parted mutually as part time Grease-themed lovers of 2004. Oh yes, I am a certified denial queen of the moment. And I get goosebumps at that thought. On that day that we would see each other again I mouthed words such as "nothing, ok, and then?" but alas I have been a mouthpiece of contradictions since my preparations meant the other way around. I bathed using my most powerful bath cream, tried on 3 different tops, lathered not just a Johnson's baby lotion but a Bath and Body works peach cream, put on a long forgotten lip color used only for task oriented meetings and wore pearls that looked like they came from the south but was actually bought from an overpass. The only thing missing is a sign pasted on my forehead stating that I am gorgeous. and so we meet again... If we were magnets, i could have been the positive and he, another postive ion. We were repelling ourselves from each other but we talked for 5 minutes and flew on to our social circles. Probably, i don't like being teased lest i be sung with an 80's OPM hit " Muling ibalik ang tamis ng pag-ibig...." Of course that cannot be helped, everything was so cliche for old couples to meet up and talk. Then I knew that he was really back and not some hologram because we almost had an argument like the ones we used to have. I feel good anyway. I know that someone over here knows me from inside and still accepts all crappy stuff i say and do. I know that someone over here knows that i cannot stand overly late people and messy bags and smoking at my face and ineffective lip gloss. It's good to know that someone from your lovely past knows you in a way different from other people. The fact that he's just around you makes you all the more settled at your pace. I like that, it makes you hard to detach. I have embraced that before and the detachment begins. He gave me belgian waffles. But i think i have a new liking for french bread. Friday, 04 February 2005 GIRL TALK
Samner, my prodigal room mate is now back. She's been voluntarily kidnapped by her beau and now intends to straighten her sheltered life by going home to me. And just like we used to do way back every morning, we talked a lot.
Aside from our dilemma with the curtains, the ants near the bed, the ubiquitous dust of nowhere, the lost pair of dangling earrings and our occassional whispers of informing each other that THEY are not around--- we had our casual sex education portion.
We know we are both running late from work but when we start talking about it-- we stop and smell the roses. Just like highschool boys, we do talk about that. I work my lotion and she does the bed and we talk about it as if I'm Margie Holmes.
Of course, i cannot share with you the minutes of the talk since we are catholic schooled girls. Haha!
And then we realize we are late, we move and flutter about and somehow everyone's updated on that. We leave it to the curatins, the ants near our bed, the dust and the missing pair of earrings.
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This has been my sanctuary for four years already. It's my extension. Almost like a limb out in the open. Know that people want to express, to just chuck it out, to just be themselves even on something as artificial as blog. I am that people. So don't mind me... counter
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