Thursday, 25 August 2005
NIGHT DETERIORATION
2 lights and 1 horse and then i'm in comatose stage. i cannot move you can almost rape me. wow. it had occured to me that i have been living a bit of gretchen barretto's regimen by not smoking, drinking and going to bed really early and waking up early. that's just 1/4 of greta's phase beacuse i don't have bling blings to parade myself with.
Frenchy being frenchman in Manila is lured by lights, and smoke and the topsy turvy nightlife of Manila. I think i have devirginized malate last year when i had non-stop partying with a dear party friend Leila. Leila up to now still devirginizes the city and some men... hahaha!
Then i became a Lola when i wanted to go home early and just sleep and eat. I don't even read and watch TV. I don't exercise but i think my metabolism has something to do with my history. Kitsi, before, had to ring my phone to watch the Irene's gig at Xaymaca wedenesdays. i told her i'll just rest for 2 hours and then i'll follow only to wake up at 9am with 3 missed calls. Frenchy leaves me sometimes alone sleeping because i'd rather sleep than go and smell ashtray.
So last night, i was prodded to wake up and go out, i told him i'm so tired and i want to sleep but he had blackmailed me already so up i hopped. I went to that sanctuary and i felt like a newborn child with old people seeing me raise from the grave with less porma and flair. O siya, sige na penge na lang ng beer na parang makikipag-inuman sa kanto.
And then i saw Jericho rosales, that movie star, and my muscles had a reflex to get my phone and text my friend zara to tell her that her man is just a spit away from where i'm standing. I felt that he looked so cute because i seem possessed by Zara.
Sunday, 21 August 2005
THINGS
2 or some weeks to go before Frenchy goes home to Pransya. We're fine. It doesn't diminish the value but it becomes priceless. My stubborness gets in the way of equality in a relationship. I did quite learn a lot from being with 2 European men but more from Frenchy. You see, they are basically different with locals here. Though it's very judgemental to say since i haven't really had a true blue Filipino guy, though i think i had but they were not too Filipino. One felt like he was an American, the other hallucinated he was Jamaican.
It leaves me a bit lost, or rather misty-eyed, somewhat hopeful and forward looking, from whatever situations arise from having this so-called long distance relationship. My breasts heave as i think about it and i feel like Irma Adlawan in Tuhog. I am very sad, but sadness stems not because he will be away but because of the flight, the exodus part. I think it was the image for me--- someone taking flight, someone leaving-- the school, the house, the city, the country, the life. That image helped me a lot when i am required to cry in 2 minutes while staring on a white wall. It gets jumbled up at first as if trying to scan stored memory from a data bank and then boom! You are crying because you thought about them in the exact illusion of taking flight. It started when i was 14 when she left for New York. Then he left the house. Then he left me. Then he leaving the country. Well, at least everybody has to leave di ba? You just have to be alone to feel the worth of leaving. Adjustments to that can be worked out since you really can't do anything about it. ANyway, that's just a thought
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I went to Paranaque and Ayala Alabang Village with our company driver. He seemed so intense in talking about retrenchment matters that go about in the engineering dept. of the network. And I, being so apathetic about it, just nods and uhuhs at every strong point he raises. And then i found out that he belongs to a famous religious sect in the country. He requested that we turn on the radio and tune into the AM station of his organization. It's not a usual radio show that preaches the gospel to the listeners. Instead of hearing basics on how to be saved from hell and get salvation, it becomes a fault-finding committee and ridiculed bashing portion at this popular preacher spoofed before by Michael V. I had to endure that from Paranaque-Alabang-Quezon City. Dios mio! Literally! You can equate that ride to an FX churning out those blasted english novelty songs about frogs and a froggy afternoon while reviewing for prelims. Dudugu ang ilong ko sa hilo.
Friday, 19 August 2005
Hmmm...
I have this feeling that i want to fart in the middle of a meeting and just slowly dissolve as the fart evaporates. How's life from the number 2 channel figuratively and literally? My eyes are straining right now and i credit this to that. See, it is indirectly connected. It is splashed all over the metro that there has been massive lay-off in the former star network as if people here re-pack biscuits in a factory for a living. As in you're out! And did you know that one of the measures to save is to let people bring their own cups in shootings. Haha! No cup. No water. Haha! No water so you know how it feels like to be in Angola amidst fancy artistas with huge paychecks enough to buy a water station and manufacture plastic cups. It is very useless to point so many things unless you put this in motion... of which is my basic dilemma right now...but that's not the topic... it's so complex
Kaya i don't work hard now. It is very ugly to work hard. I chose to work softly. Now, it's not a new trend to work softly in a snake pit since fangs of snakes strike at the unexpected... at least they will strike at something soft... haha... Haay... money sometimes just makes you... ewan... ika nga nung lolo ni Charlie sa Willy Wonka ' You do not replace the golden ticket with a thing as common as money'. Golden tickets can be so one time big time and pfft...
Saturday, 13 August 2005
Mum
Twas a rainy thursday night when Maryanet texted me that Kublai had successfully gave birth. That time when Kublai was about to break the news that she got pregnant was when the time i felt so out of place and focus that i had to sneak out of the play. She was looking for me to tell me that our not so parallel lives will be completely opposite since she, a student, was 3 months pregnant. and me, a laborer, was 3 months burnt out. That was it at least I didn't hear it in the most TV patrol way.
And then Homecoming came for Artistang Artlets and we had the same empire cut clothes. I was called on the stage to say something and walking with my golden shoes as Rodolfo thought i was pregnant too. Well, i used to act pregnant when my period is about to come ssince my puson is in a state of weirdly pregnant proportions. That was then.
So off to UN Ave in my most tattered umbrella. I had to ask a vendor where the hospital was and he replied in the most professional way a noble businessman would answer. Who knows where that manga't bagoong can take him di ba? Kublai looked like a cabbage patch kid. So plump you can mistake her for a Baguio grown tomato. Old theatre friends were there so the very white hospital room morphed into a vaudeville stage aplomb with gay character actors. But of course the spotlight always goes to the little lead star of that room--- little Marcus.
Julz and Richard were there to make fun of gifts as if fairy godmothers of Sleeping Beauty. Like i will give you the gift of tranquility... I will give you the gift of homosexuality... haha!
In the meantime, I'm going to be the ninang and he's my first inaanak. I have whispered my gift like a fairy godmother in the same fashion as in Sleeping Beauty. I now have to look for material gifts on his christening.
Tuesday, 02 August 2005
I am very sure he would read this and this again would create another anxiety. Cheka! Well, a week ago, me and my mon amour broke up--- for 20 hours or so. At the risk of sounding so high school, we were back at each other’s arms again after withholding sight and grime for those hours.
That feeling led me astounded and squeezing out every chink of optimism in my jolly state. I was quiet relatively but my angsts hounded like a gnarling dog. Tis the time to recap and be stupid again and its so refreshing to be immature because you know nobody cares. I felt like a part time- first time lover who wants her feelings to be sensationalized by Joe d’ Mango.
As usual, I looked like a Chinese doll that’s never been sold due to too much emotion. No, I didn’t listen to cheesy love songs. Instead, I rode an FX on the way to Bulacan wearing bumble bee shades to hide my melancholic eyes. I was wont to observe and see the sights of
Fairview again after 3 months but text messages came like a thief immediately turning on the faucet. I was so surprised at that provocation that I can immediately sense that my tear ducts are against me. And I was strong then. I was a leader in college with a very firm voice that can crack a nimwit. Whew, things have mellowed this time.
I went back to get stuff and everything seemed looking forward. We talked as if we were playing chess. Predicting a move, creating a trap and sensing something fishy but nice. It ended nice naman. It becomes tiring all of a sudden. Hay nako… So we made our lives easier and got back again.
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This has been my sanctuary for four years already. It's my extension. Almost like a limb out in the open. Know that people want to express, to just chuck it out, to just be themselves even on something as artificial as blog. I am that people. So don't mind me...
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