Censorship
Noong isang gabi, pumunta kami sa isang inter-collegiate beauty pageant ng UST. Ito yung Mr ANd Ms Thomasian Personality. Ang ganda! Ang taray! Yung kasama ko kasing si chubibo ay nililigawan si Ms. Accountancy. Ako ok lang sa kanya pero mukhang brittle ang bones nung gurl. Ewan ko ba ang daming lalaking mahilig sa mga babaeng mahinhin, pa-english effect, right type of foundation over a natural swept blush na mukha, long reed thin hair na walang balakubak at payat. I have nothing against them except for the right type of foundation over a natural swept blush na mukha tapos sarsahan mo pa ng mga pa-english effect.
Tapos question and answer portion na. Haha! Ito talaga ang meatiest part ng mga beauty pageant eh. Ang tanong nila is What do you like most about in this university? Pero siyempre originally hindi yan yung tanong dahil marami munang situationers na binigay before the actual question.
Parang ganito: UST is now celebrating its 400th year, it is older than the Philippine republic and has greatly shaped and has kept rooted the system of tertiary education in the Philippines, now, as a student, what do you like most in this university?
Prestige daw. Pwede na rin. Tapos sumakay pa ang isa at sinabing gustong gusto daw niya ang conservative nature ng UST because the world has become a liberated place. As if??!!! Magtigil ka nga dyan. Parang gusto ko siya pasabugin on stage. Anway, those are some hilarious and personal answers and opinions.
Then nagkwentuhan kami ng friends ko after that. Ano nga naman ba ang gusto namin sa UST? Mahirap nga ang tanong. Ako personally hindi ko alam. Hindi naman sa hindi ako proud sa dati kong eskwelahan pero... wala akong maisip. Gusto ko yung mga puno at building. Pero hindi tatanggapin yung sagot ko ng judges. Ewan. Medyo nagtatampo lang ako ngayon sa alma mater ko. Sana hindi na lang masyadong naging catholic. Naiinis ako dahil hindi naaprubahan yung mga play namin sa main student affairs ng unibersidad.
Bakit daw may bakla? Bakit daw kelangan pang ipakita na galing sa mahirap na pamilya yung main character. Bakit hindi na lang gumawa ng play tungkol sa saints. Hindi naman daw tungkol sa pag-ibig yung play. Bakit daw yung bakla nakuha yung lalake at hindi nakuha ng straight na babae. Ewan ko ba. Naiinis ako ngayon. Tinamad tuloy ako mag-rehearse. Feeling ko babagsak na lang ako't bubula sa kanto kapag ako ang sinabihan ng ganun. Conservative ha. Personally, na-offend ako nang nalaman kong ganun ang tingin nila. I have never rejected my identity as a thomasian. SA UST pa nga ako nag-reresearch. Gandang ganda ako sa mga building. Why are you doing this to me ang drama ko. If anyone should be given some credit it should be small people like me who take pride in their education. Alam kong maraming taga-UST na hindi maaming taga-UST sila or nahihiya sabihin iyon.
THis is my attempt to give back to my motherland. Feeling ko isa akong sinukang ulam. Ewan. Hurt ako. Buti pa ang mga kakilala kong taga-UP na-gandahan sila sa play ko. Ewan. Hurt lang ako.
Monday, 13 February 2006
LUHA
Isn't it a wonder? How could God make up a human process such as crying. Express your emotion and a fluid comes out of your eye. Fluids generally come out of our skin, and different holes in the body but in the eye? Why? Why not let the fluid from an emotion come out of the hand? Or from the breast? Or from the knee? Why does it have to be so obvious that it should come out from the most recognizable part in the body?
Perhaps it was for the drama. Yes it is the drama of the body. God must be a drama queen and the greatest production designer that comes out of our everyday play that we forcibly make in our lives . Everything is so scientific and sometimes ugly in the human anatomy. And to put some aesthetics and drama. The fluid should come out of the eyes...
Sweat comes out because of strenous physical activity or in unnerving situations. Saliva remains because it has its own purpose. Our pee comes out because something inside is full and must come out. But tears are very different. What does it take for it to come out? a realization from the past... a surprise... a meeting of 2 people... a sight to behold... a sight that unfolds... a failed romance... a pain so greatly kept deep inside... Bridges of Madison County... And everything else seems superficial.
But what about fauceted actresses like Juday? Hmmm... its a talent... that bowing down and coming up in 3 seconds teary eyed and waiting for the directions on what side of the cheek you make it fall. It's talent of the tearducts. And thou shall thank genetics and your anatomy for that.
Personally, i don't like to cry. I don't cry in funerals. But i cry in movies. I cry when i read, see my old pictures, felt surprised, feel pain on my teeth and lots of other trivial stuff. As much as possible on my acting rakets i do not favor scenes that will instruct me to cry or will tell me when to cry. Give me a picture then let my emotions do the talking and let's see what happens. Crying equals emotion and i do not want the obvious to be reiterated. Crying is an ultimatum. The defeat. The clamor for power. THe climax of what you feel inside. and it's so great you don not want your tears to be spoiled until you have reached the ultimatum. That great dark chasm of the first tear. The perennial sob. The delight of the eyes talking and slapping them of what crumbles inside. And then you'll just love it. You'll absolutely love it even if there's mascara and a flaky foundation. And from that position, you know that you are beautiful.
And that can absolutely take you in less than 30 seconds.
Wednesday, 08 February 2006
the blue room
there was really a scene that can really turn your hairs up. i woke up at 7:15 and i have to meet leila at 7:30pm and then i texted that i am about to go or for my benefit why not come over first. and so i rested for a soft 30 seconds trying to feel my eggshelled bed and smooth unan, upon sight a dark human being came crawling inside my room via the air-conditioner hole. i flung myself and my bag. grabbed my blankets. and howled as if i was performing in the Madison Square Garden. HUY! SINO KAAAAAAH! Shet, akala ko demonyo. Naka all black eh. I have never been in touch with my paranormal side but if this was the beginning bakit naman si Satanas pa ang unang magpapakita sa akin. Lord, bakit siya pa!
And then si Kuya pala of the house. Yes, kuya of my old dusty apartment. Wala daw siya susi kaya umakyat na lang ng bintana ng walang katukan at respeto sa may-ari ng papasukin niyang kwarto. Anak ng tekla naman talaga! Horror of horrors talaga ang eksena. My gosh, i could've shoot up blood from my nose from all the terror i felt inside. It wasn't a really good joke but i managed my restraint. Sorry daw. Sorry daw at Sorry daw sabay pa-text naman. I felt the word sorry to the size of a pea versus the gargantuan fright i accidentally felt. Sabi nga ni FPJ--- puno na ang salop.
What we had been planning for months had been triggered by a paranormal false alarm. In 2 weeks i found a new place, got new boxes to put all my stuff and some of Samner's stuff in. It was a blast from the past. Hitching a ride from Leslogel's new and very handsome Honda City with the help of Makati friend Chawdi. I stormed out of that freaky house. And up i went inside the BLUE ROOM.
Oh, yes. All alone again. It was a bit dusty din but loveable dust naman. I had a male call center boy neighbor. Quite a looker. I thought he mistook me for a Stepford wife since i had the audacity to say Hi and tell him that i'm his new neighbor. How perky can i get? And i said that in straight english. The aparador is so big i could make love there and hang myself up when i want to. I realized i had Imledific tendencies since there were more shoe boxes than actual boxes for the stuff. My clothes were 80% ukay ukay and i had smeared some chocolate on some of my clothes.
So the folowing day, as i try to make my hole a decent place to live in, i went to the supermarket and bought a floorwax, bunot, hangers, extra pamunas and the pliers. Ewan. It's next to being decent but its ok. It's loveable as i said earlier. I had put up pictures of my Frenchy on the wall just to greet him a good morning everyday and to thank God that i still have a job and enough money to be independent.
