Saturday, 30 September 2006
BLACK DAYS
Bukod sa fact na madilim talaga ang QC these past few days, medyo nagkaroon ako ng medyo mental black out din. Hay naku. Bakit ba nangyayari sa akin ito. Pero ok na rin, may ilaw na ang downtown Morato kaya ok nako. Hindi naman ako kabilang sa mga lupon ng mga tao nagpa-book sa hotel nang mag-black out sa Manila. Hindi ko talaga ma-gets. Punong puno ang mga hotel at kumita talaga sila these past few days. Ako naman, di pa ba kayo nasanay noong panahon ata ni FVR na everyday yata nagblack-out.
Buti na lang di ako maarte. Siyempre maarte ako paminsan pero hindi ako maarte na kelangan pang kumuha ng hotel. Di kasi ako pwede sa aircon ng matagal dahil sensitive ang ilong ko at lalong di ako pwede sa bentilador ng number 2- 3 mode dahil sisipunin agad ako. O di ba. Iyan ang isa sa mga quirks ko na only my real friends know.
Sa balay kasi ni Poodrahbel, di kami sinanay na may aircon at bentilador, dami kasi kami puno at kawayan kaya natural lang. Sabi pa niya noon na bamboos shield noise from outside. Si poodrah din ata ang nagsabi na in order to recycle carbon monoxide to oxygen, you have to have 100 trees at least for a specific meter of place. At kumusta naman? Meron kaming 100 trees sa bahay. Literal. Siyempre yung iba saplings, mga 40% yung actual trees. At alam namin lahat ang medicinal benefits niyan kasi si poorahbel ay isang agriculture major. haha. Kaya naman mukha siyang magsasaka.But then again madaming hyphen si poodrahbel, hindi pa pinauso ni Tim Yap yang mga hyphenates, sangkatutak na hyphen na si Poodrahbel. Di rin ako proud noh?
Kaming magkaka-housemate ay nagbonding sa bahay. Lahat di na pumasok, wala naman kasing official holiday sa line of work namin. Mag-preview sana ako nun. Walang kuryente. Walang magawa. Eh lahat puro bakla. So, isang malaking back to back to back na production number ito. Napansin ko na ang mga bakla talaga much revered sa kanila si Regine, Mariah and Lani Misalucha. For me? si Madame Barbra lang at si Chaka Khan ang pedestal ko sa biritan.
After ng musical production number labas kaming lahat para kumain. Di namin na anticipate na malakas pala ang Milenyo. Nagkanda close-open ng kusa ang payong na hiniram ko sa Moodrah ni Kitsi. Gudlak sa pagsoli. Wala pa kaming 5 steps away from the apartment nagsisigawan na kami sa lakas. Ano ba ito? Delubyo na ba? Baka may lumipad na baka na lang sa Morato. Buti na lang dumating si Katrina Halili--- as in FHM's sexiest woman, nagsiksikan kami sa van niya at hinatid niya kami sa isang motel na malapit kung saan kami kumain.
Busog. Mas busog sana kung nakikita ang kinakain. Andilim eh. Bumalik kami sa bahay ng basang basa. Nagpalit ako ng damit at on cue: nagtulugan lahat ng tao. Para kaming galing ng sagala't dinaanan ng ipo-ipo. Then bigla akong naging uneasy. Basa pala pati panty ko. Hayaan mo na fix nako eh.
Zzzzz...
Tuesday, 26 September 2006
KILL PEDRO
There's this interesting story i stumbled upon while i was inside the womens' prisons in mandaluyong (the one near the mental hospital). Not that i was an inmate ha.
It is a testament that truth really is more shocking and stranger than fiction and how micro myself seems to be in this world because there are a lot of things happening in this country... well, lets's zoom it in... a lot of things hapenning in a marriage... a lot of things happening in a woman fooled by her husband... and lot more things hapenning when you see your husband naked on top of a woman and you holding a double edged knife...
Aling nene, got 15 years for a triple murder and infanticide. She stabbed her husband 18 times, the mistress 2 times--- one in the throat and one in the belly--- the mistress's mother 8 times. The infanticide part was the one she regretted because she didn't know that the mistress was pregnant. And this was done by a former yaya of priests in seminaries.
You see, he had it coming, his 18 stabs. He was lazy and she, at 12 years old, had bought her own truck. Because at a young age, she was a very responsible girl. They got married when she was 15 years old, a year short of her menstrual period
Then Pedro had an affair with another girl whose studies he paid for. It was ok for Aling nene. Not until her bentilador disappeared and then her truck that she got when she was still 12 years old. Then she woke up and her house has been sold and she had some guy knocking her door ordering her to vacate the house and leave nothing. Naloka talaga si Aling Nene. Paggisisng mo wala ka nang bahay.
And that's when she tried to talk it out peacefully. She went to their lovenest and saw the mother of the mistress tending to her carinderia. She went by sana to eat but then her blood curdled when she saw her kitchen knife being used to chop other people's vegetables. She even commented the beauty of the knife as she was a kitchen lover herself but, alas, she saw her name on the handle. Pati ba naman kutsilyo ko sa bahay nasa kanila.
She got the knife and went inside the house. She opened a curtain that divided a room and lo! Fornication right before her eyes and kitchen knife right in her hands.
Then she started a killing spree.
She got a good 15 years. And right now she's in Baclaran selling food stuff for churchgoers. She's been free for 15 years as well.
Funny thing is, we were laughing while she was recounting her story. My eyes were much rounder with delight and amazement. And she said she never really thought of killing anybody. I said me too. Haha!
Then she married her exboyfriend at 45. And you see, an old vendor near a church can have as much as life can throw at her.
Tuesday, 19 September 2006
LIFE HUES
This is more like it. I think. It is true that one shouldn’t complain about doing something. You know how we always complain that we are tired and want to stop doing things because we are actually doing something. Well, blessings from God come in really weird forms. And the biggest blessings don’t come packaged in bright papers and ribbons. Ah that great great contrast… only a genius could think of that dramatic treatment in life.
For me, this friggin computer makes me really nervous. I think I have failed my bank account again and I do not like pre-paid stuff except for cellphone loads. It gives me a burden that now I have a responsibility to things. Haay… but always look on the bright side of things. I am constantly discovering new things about myself and I get stingy sometimes.
**
Kitsi said goodbye to her gall bladder a few weeks ago. The scent of hospitals is so fucking clean it makes me feel so imperfect. Like a malunngay leaf stuck in shiny white teeth. I never really liked hospitals though I love Grey’s Anatomy. There weren’t any gwapo interns in the Kidney Institute. (I have this secret thing to have an affair with a married doctor. Hehe) Well, I had my share of handsome interns 3 or 4 years ago when I had an operation too. It was the most embarrassing way to meet them. My doctor introduced me to them gwapo interns while my legs were spread out and them looking seriously into my holiest of wholes. Wala na talagang tatalo sa first meeting na yun. Sana kinain na lang ako ng puke ko.
**
Just this morning we had a meeting with some tandercats of UP Diliman. And where are they? At the Balai ng Alumni siyempre. I got really gooey upon sight of BC, a well-respected theatre artist and quite known for his attitude. I had a friend in PETA who totally backed out of theatre in college because this person totally crashed her guts, brains, heart, soul and whatever target you can be attacked smack like the World trade center.
Good thing BC liked what I did and started asking questions only enthusiastic people asked. I thought he would just diss, spit and leave. While I was presenting it, I couldn’t talk straight English because of his presence. It turned out nice. He gets to nod and everybody proceeds like in the Godfather movie.
This is what we call ‘sakto lang’ moment
Tuesday, 12 September 2006
PERKS
Ah yes, i think i have upped my ante because i have a toy... a hot toy as my brother would put it. I just purchased myself a laptop thru the generosity of my mother's credit card. Laptop and credit card. I never knew they would make my life easier and never knew they would make my blanket shrink. It's so cold out there sometimes.
So as the blanket shrinks you learn to fold your feet as well... that goes the old saying.... but my very intelligent professor in college said that he never believed that saying... pag maikli ang kumot matutong mamaluktot... alas, he said you should go find your self a bigger blanket... never compromise... oo nga naman. I think that should be it. So right now, another reality bites... i have to find a bigger blanket... a comforter if i may add...
I thank God that i had a background in TV production and theatre as well. Me working behind the cam and me working on cam as well. They never thought i could do such a thing. Well, i tell them that i loved acting. Not to the point of an acting career similar to Jolina Magdangal... but i just want to act... kahit ano pa yan... i never really limited myself to my roles... though my teacher said that my face is for drama... i've had a slew of acting stints that i really enjoyed...
Here are my lists:
old seer woman, fat wife of a professor, sexy Math teacher, taong grasa, bartender, witch, soap vendor sa bundok, prison inmate, nurse with a seedy attitude, killed nurse atop a tree, killed housewife circa 1920s, suicidal bride, swimsuit model, chismosa neighbor, raped barrio lass (this one is very unforgettable), ghost wife of Ronaldo Valdez in a comedy sitcom (i love this comedy show that ripped off Three's a company), a fan in tears, a potion vendor etc.
and i get to play nonliving things such as rock and soil and sometimes plants though they are living things. and somehow these stints made my blanket a lot longer.
Right now, i'm cutting on beer and indulging more of myself in these coffeeshops with WIFI things. They are a wonder. Though i spend 80 pesos on some very healthy greeen tea since i'm not a fan of caffeine. on the other table is a group of young people planning a vacation to Palawan. I've been there. But i miss it. Not the vacation in Palawan. I miss Me not wanting to lengthen blankets and just thinking of the next trip with old old friends.
Hay life. Sometimes they are just so funny it makes me old.
Saturday, 09 September 2006
KAARTEHAN SA PAGSUSULAT
Kasi naman de bah. Girl ako kaya i'm entitled to that. Pero aside sa ayoko ng amoy ng aircon bus sa likod at ayoko ng nanlilimahid na tabo, maarte ako sa pagsusulat.
Medyo mahirap ito kasi if you work for a TV network hindi talaga biro ang deadline dahil ang kahihiyan mo ay kitang kita ng sambayanang Pilipino kapag di umere ang show mo dahil sa kaartehan mo sa pagsusulat. Sisante ka na. Blacklisted ka pa.
Sabi ni poodrahbel 'Writing is focus'. Sa dami ng iniisip mo at gumagana sa utak mo parang MTV channel ang iyong brain sa dami ng images na nagsu-surface. Di ba? Yung kisame, balat ng jowa mo, paa mo, then may naalala kang happy moments, yung daan, yung kanta sa radyo, yung tawa mo. Lahat yun may mental image. And if you begin to write, as in really write, kese hoda ano pa yang sinusulat mo, you just have to focus. It's a one way street man. Exert and focus then release. Sarap.
My focus comes in the form of a ballpen and paper. Hindi ako makasulat ng maayos kapag di maganda ang ballpen at papel. Di naman ako high end sa ballpen pero mas nakakasulat ako ng maayos kapag ang notebook ko ay yung composition notebook lang na ginagamit ng mga elementary. Yung akin dati ay si Astroboy tapos naubos siya at pinalitan ko ng another composition notebook na may drawing ni Lucy Van Pelt (ito yung character sa Peanuts na patay na patay kay Charlie Brown ata). Mas mabilis ang pick up ko sa interview at meeting kapag ganun ang notebook ko.
Another focus comes in the form of the seat. Since wala akong personal computer, mega internet cafe ako na minsan kalahating araw na andun pa rin ako.Kaya important ang upuan. Di ko ma-describe ang sensation. I think this is rooted to some hidden Freudian theory involving the buttocks to the brain. Gumagana at humihinto depende sa salumpuwit sa internet cafe. Ewan ko ba. Kaartehan yun eh.
Kasabay ng pagtubo ng tagyawat ko ang pagtapos ko ng mga writing assignments sa tagal ng pag-stay ko sa internet shop. Magastos. At hindi lahat ng upuan nakakapagbigay sa akin ng will power to finish my writing. There's this internet station sa timog, na kinagatan ako ng pakshet na surot sa likod akala ko ketong na sa laki ng swelling.
Right now, im sitting in a metal chair na maraming butas and the butas did the works. Di malaki at di masyado maliit. Just works for me.
Well, i think i'm gonna get a load of focus and start my career as a 'writer'. Hek-hek!
I bought a laptop.
Ang tagsibol ng kaisipan ay siya namang tagtuyot ng kalamnan.
Ang mahal ng laptop sa mundong ito. Peste!
Friday, 01 September 2006
HIHIHI...
Meron akong crush ngayon. Matagal ko na siyang crush. Siguro mga four years ago pa. Hindi pa ata ako gruma-graduate ng college or pa-graduate pa lang ako ng college. Di naman ako patay na patay sa kanya kasi during those four years na type ko siya nagkaroon pa ako ng 2 boyfriend at hiwalay na kami nung 2 yun ngayon. Pero nag-remain pa rin unconsciously na may gusto ako sa kanya. hihi...
Di naman kami madalas nagkikita. Nagkikita lang kami pag may birthday or kapag may special occasion like kasal, patay, despedida etc.
Eto ang problema. Tuwing inuman lang kami nagkikita. At tuwing inuman lang kami nagkakausap. Kadalasan kapag inuman mukha pa akong basura. Madalas naman kaming nagkakatitigan kasi parang meron kayong reading between the lines na moment. Alam mo yun? Kadalasan sa inuman tinatanong niya ako tungkol sa trabaho ko.. siyempre maraming nagtatanong tungkol sa latest chismis at kung bading nga ba talaga si Piolo Pascual... alam mo yun? kasi nga dun ka nagtratrabaho... pero sana tanungin naman ako ng ibang bagay... like what's your favorite color... pero siyempre panira yun kasi pag nag-umpisa na magtanong ng mga ganun medyo iba na yung level... kaya siguro leveling muna kami sa mga tomahan... minsan nag-usap kami about sa Godfather 2 na sobrang pinag-argumentuhan namin dahil sa detail ng pelikula...
Ngayon kapag di siya umiinom, gaya sa kasal at sa patay, di na niya ako pinapansin. Sabi nila di daw niya talaga kaya makipag-usap sa babae kasi nga sheltered siyang lalake. Office tapos bahay. Yun lang ang buhay niya at di siya gumigimik talaga. Yung mga inom lang sa bahay ang gimik niya. Ang circle of friends lang niya ay yung mga nasa bahay at noong college siya. No girlfriend since birth at malamang virgin pa ito. Di daw niya kaya manligaw, kaya niya lang daw magpa-inom.
Ano bang gagawin ko sa lalakeng ito? Sabi ng friend ko dapat ako na daw ang mga-step up since ako naman daw ang nakakaintindi ng situation niya. Walang mangyayari kung nag-iinuman lang kami. Oo nga naman. Magiging lumba-lumba lang ako.
Ano bang gagawin ko sa lalakeng ito? Alam ko namang may gusto siya sa akin. Kasi alam ng babae yun eh. Di sa pagiging Assumptionista ha, pero alam ng babae yang mga ganyan. Di lang talaga makalapit. And may nagsabi na rin sa akin. Hay sus.
Ano bang gagawin ko sa lalakeng ito? eh di ko kayang makipag-flirt. Siguro daanin na lang ito sa jack-ass na paraan. Parang yung pelikula na May Minamahal starring Aiko and Aga. Yung tinanong ni Aiko si Aga na kung may gusto ba talaga sa kanya or something...
Bahala na...
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This has been my sanctuary for four years already. It's my extension. Almost like a limb out in the open. Know that people want to express, to just chuck it out, to just be themselves even on something as artificial as blog. I am that people. So don't mind me...
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