Monday, 27 November 2006
BUMILI AKO NG INIDORO
Soft seat siya na inidoro. Hindi naman talaga siya inidoro na kagaya nung puti kung saan dumadaan ang ating dumi. Ito yung salumpuwit ng inidoro.
Napansin ko kasi na cold hearted ang inidoro namin dito sa bahay sa Morato. Puti. Matigas. Manipis. Malamig. Naisip ko kung maglalabas ka rin naman ng dumi or negative energies sa katawan mo sana batiin ka ng inidoro sa maligamgam na paraan. Hindi naman kelangan na magpa-piyesta at maghanda ng piging tuwing tatae ka pero ano ba naman yung may welcoming aura. Yung parang nakangiti, kalmado, may ningning sa mga mata at open arms na tatanggapin ang dalawang pisngi ng iyong puwit. Dahil sabi nga nila--- ang inidoro lang talaga ang matatawag mong trono.
Isa sa mga unang pinabasa sa akin ni Poorahbel noong ako ay nagdadalaga pa ay ang isang pambihirang nobela ni Mario Vargas Llosa na In Praise of the StepMother. Doon ako unang nakabasa ng isang buong chapter paukol lang sa pagdumi ng tao. Yung pre-production, production at post production mismo ng pagtae ng tao. At natuwa naman ako. Hindi ko naisip na may art pala ang defecation.
Ang sabi rin ng isa kong balahurang propesor noong college, 3 bagay lang daw ang masarap gawin sa mundo: umihi, makiapg-talik at tumae. Kanya nga naman sa tatlong human processes na ito pinaka personal para sa akin ang pagdumi. Para siyang form of meditation at pagpapasalamat sa Diyos na maswerte ka't may nailalabas ka dahil alam mong may pumapasok sa bibig mo.
Kaya gusto ko rin namang bigyang pugay ang aking mga puwit. Nawa'y sa pag-upo nito sana'y mayroong bumati sa kanya na walang halong malisya at pagnanasa gaya ng ginagawa madalas ng malilibog na lalake.
Gusto kong umupo siya na parang nakita ang isang kapatid sa industriya, magbatian at mag sabihang: Trabaho lang walang personalan...
 
Ito pala siya. O di ba may flowers pa. Hekhek
Friday, 24 November 2006
SPONTANEITY
After being molested inside a car up comes a day where you don't know what you are going to do. For the whole day yesterday i felt blood coming out of me because of my menstruation and everytime i walk... gosh. And for the past two days i'm sitting, lying, staring at the computer and checking out friendster acoounts. What a wasted day for someone who used to cut up weeds in the mountains.
I haven't been eating healthy food too. Last sunday my unhealthy eating led me to feel dizzy while jogging around UP Diliman And i get all these emails about healthy eating, benefits of bananas and things about cancer .
I am bugged up for 2 days and i can't do a thing. It was my choice anyway. I had work but i chose not to work. I chose to lie in bed, think of nothing and then suddenly i dozed off. I wake up up with a really bad headache because i realized everytime i stayed still, i was dozing off.
I am supposed to go to Ifugao this week but things came up and i don't get my Trip. I already bought water and apples for me to munch on my 10 hour ride to Ifugao province. I even borrowed Lebanis' digicam and Park's memory card for the photos i'll be taking on the way. And the fucking part is the apples that i bought tasted so grainy as if i was eating sand.
Yesterday the same thing happened, in my moments of staying still i feel that i dozed off and then suddenly my eyes became wide awake and i knew that i was fighting myself not to sleep again and make my day a wasted lot. I am not sleepy but why is this happening to me?
Kitsi wanted to go to Makati Cinema Square to buy pirated DVDs. I went with her and that's what i did for the whole day. Go to Makati, buy DVD, blew my last bit of cash to treat Kitsi for a Mongolian thing (which i think was healthy because of the brocolli) and to watch BORAT. I even saw a high school batchmate whose boyfriend she introduced looks like Marilyn Manson minus the clown make-up.
I come home. I found out that Frenchy is deciding to go to Uganda or something like that near KENYA. J is flying back this Sunday in Manila from Belgium. Oh and this guy i confessed to my undying love--- he found a new girl that he liked.
Tralalala... lala...
Wednesday, 22 November 2006
SCREEN INFATUATIONS
Ok. Have you ever seen a movie/ series and suddenly had a big crush on the person playing the character or the actor for that matter?
Of course. It is mababaw but it is happening. And it happened to me twice.
I finished wacthing Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy. I grew a fondness for one particular character who, sadly, died in the end but figured much in the finale. And that is Denny Duquette; the love interest of Dr. Stevens. Denny Duqette is a heart transplant patient who got interested with his doctor, Dr. Stevens. Dr. Stevens fell in love with Denny and she moved mountains to make Denny be on top of the list for the heart donor. I, along with Izzie, fell for this guy. Of course, i didn't actually fall in love but i wish i had because i can still separate my realities. And now, i have a big crush on Denny Duquette a.k.a. Jeffrey Dean Morgan the actor. And i have his picture! (My God!)
That's it. He's old. But he's so... steamy. Haha! I wish i could date someone like him. He looks a plump George Clooney and has that little lost boy look.
Next, Kitsi made me watch this film about racism. And its one of the best films i've watched. American History X. I saw a different Edward Norton here. I had a small crush on him but this Edward Norton in American History X just put a very big exclamation point on my small time crush for him. I really liked him as an actor. He's capable of being a wimp and then a skull gnashing Nazist the next. Boohoo, he has somebody like Salma Hayek.
So far, those are the two men in my life who made me feel woozy and warm as i watch them onscreen. I do not aim to stalk them but i would like to... i don't know.
Saturday, 18 November 2006
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
Last night, i was out on a 'date' with this guy who is way way older than me and he violated my space. My left legs' space to be exact. He grabbed, pored his earthy looking hands over my mochalicious legs.
He said that he was a touchy-feely person. I, on the other hand, is the opposite of touchy-feely especially to people i have met for the first time like in bank queues, public transport, elevators and most especially dates with men who were so lucky to be given time by ladies like me. I do not like the tip of my elbow touching any form of epidermis on strangers. Because i don't like it. I have space. And i will allow you to step in my space if i want you to.
He also grabbed my hand while he was driving and smelled it. I wish i had just perfumed it with my fart. Then he touched and brushed his hand on my left thigh again. I told him to please stop and that i don't like being touched. I shielded myself to those dirty hands with my bag and hands but he kept on. There goes the word--- PLEASE. It meant everything to me. Please meant God, help me eject this man out of his car seat and be crushed by a ten wheeler truck along EDSA like a stray cat. That was too harsh but i know God can do more than that.
The weird thing is that i couldn't do anything. I was helpless. Iba talaga pag andun ka na sa sitwasyon na ganun no matter how tough i seem to be. I was so afraid. I just don't know what i will do if he tried to grab my boobs kasi he also touched my stomach to feel my wobbly bits. My stomach was a finger a way from my not so plump boobs.
He said he has weaknesses for legs especially nice ones. And my legs were nice. I know that. Every woman takes good care of her legs and i am a woman who likes to slather lotion but never did i imagine in my life that that incident will happen to me. I was dumbfounded. God, i interview women who were raped, molested and even impregnated by their own fathers but this thing that happened to me was just so surreal.
My exboyfriend called me up today from Paris and i told him what happened to me last night. And you know, based on my experience, the worst dates i had including this one are with guess who? Filipino men. I could not just believe my personal statistics.
I realized i cried myself to sleep because of that.
Saturday, 11 November 2006
80'S MOVIE TIME
As an act of physical support to the triumvirate raketeras (moi, jp and carls), i was there for the sake of chika and updates on our other affairs while the 2 men are editing our project for UP Diliman. So chika dito, chika doon. This is what the chinese businessmen's philosophy on 'being there'. And so i was there.
JP is currently into Filipino camp movies and he made us watch 2 of the most outrageous camp movies in Philippine Cinema that was made at the same time my Poodrahbel and Moodrahbel was making me as well. Luckily for us, he still has VHS copies of the films that we watched in pure delight.
TEMPTATION ISLAND
I think Joey Gosengfiao is so hands down innovatively and wickedly jologs. Ito talaga yung cult classic sa lahat ng pelikulang pilipinong napanood ko. Ibang klase. The atomic bomb lines, the devil may care clothes, the catfights in underwear, the hallucinations of ice cream in the middle of the desert and the sexually charged scenes of Azenith Briones ata with the waiter and to be really over the top--- cannibalism.
Saan ka naman nakakita ng isang babaeng tumakbo at nagsuka sa dagat tapos ang blocking ay parang sexual positions sa Kama sutra? Dito lang iyon. Alfie Anido is so gwapo. I particularly laughed so hard when the Maid (Deborah Sun) of this malditang contestant was so mad at her amo that she pinned her down and slapped her while the rest of ther girls were just looking at them as if nasa print ad sila ng Louis Vuitton sa buhangin. Naka pose at nakakaloka. Tapos yung eksenang helicopter sa ibabaw ng pool at naglaglag ng mga flyers ng Miss Manila Sunshine just to find a venue para malaman ni Bambi Arambulo ang contest eh pwede namang nakita na lang niya yung ad sa diyaryo. Iniisip ko na lang kung paano sinabi ni Joey Gosengfiao kay Mother Lily yun na he needs helicopter for just one scene .
And if you want to see Taft avenue sans the LRT meron dito sa pelikulang ito. I remember some lines from Azenith : I'm a crook. A damn good crook. And i know a crook when i see one. San ka pa?
BOMBA STAR
If Alma Moreno were the same age today as she was in Bomba Star, wala nang karir sila Katrina Halili at Angel Locsin sa FHM. This 80's icon was so young and hot and looks so good to lick in her films. Haha. Alma's boobs were so plump. And those are all for real--- the boobs and nose. This is another Joey Gosengfiao movie pala. In Bomba Star, Alma was so bent on being an artista that she idolized Marissa Delgado who was then the rival star of her mother (Celia Rodrigues) during her heydays as an artista.
Nadiscover at naging artista nga si Alma Moreno dahil sa picture na kinuha ni Ricky Belmonte. At ang unang pelikula niya ay isang pinoy porn flick na ang director ay si... tada! Behn Cervantes. Sa movie, jowa ni Ricky Belmonte dito si Eddie Gutierrez, san ka pa? Imagine mo na lang si Richard Gutierrez na jowa si JC de Vera. At meron talagang eksenang sexual tension si Ricky Belmonte at Eddie Gutierrez na naghaharutan sa gym with their oiled up bodies. Kinabog pa ni Alma Moreno si Madonna dahil nung inintroduce na siya sa press sumayaw siya na ang takip lang ng boobs niya ay sinlaki lang ng utong niya--- parang crown cap na may maliliit na pompoms.
Alma Moreno also ran the streets half naked after her mother knew of her dream to be an artista. She stripped her child down and chased her all over town with Alma in her palda and her hands on her boobs. Lumublob si Alma sa lubluban ng kalabaw and she emerged from it in full view and form of her body. Para siyang naka-chocolate spa.
At the end of the movie, pinatay ni Joey Goesngfiao ang lahat ng artista except for Alma Moreno a.k.a STELLA AMOR. Nagkaroon ng stampede sa premiere night ng movie ni Stella Amor dahil nag show up si Marissa Delgado na umaapaw sa inggit at may dalang baril. Maganda ang production value ng stampede scene--- may dugo talaga at inaapakang ulo at naiipit na mukha sa escalator with matching labas ng dugo sa ilong. Pati si Inday Badiday (special role of movie reporter ng premiere night) pinakitang dead at nakadilat ang mata. Morbid.
I remember some lines thrown by Alma: Ang pangalan ko ay Estella pero Stella na lang kasi sa English ang ibig sabihin ng Stella ay star and i'm going to be a STAHR! (with matching buga ng hininga yan)
Napansin ko sa mga pelikula ni Joey G. ginamit talaga niya to the fullest potential ang hallucinatory tendencies ng tao. Those hallucinations were sort of made real in the characters' location like the giant ice cream and fried chicken scene in the desert at yung production number scene ng idol ni Alma habang nasisimba siya at doon mismo sa loob ng simabahn ginawa ang eksena.
In fairness, lahat sila may lesson learned in the end. Kahit gaano pa kababaw ang lesson nila like beauty is skin deep at Love your parents, at least meron pa ring redeeming value. At di isosoplak sa mukha mo.
Tuesday, 07 November 2006
COIN
There are two sides why he came back. One is either that he would continue his undying legacy or that he would just terminate it from me and jolt me into another realization of how plainly stupid he was all these years.
Bubuntong hininga na lang ako...
At least, that is what i could do right now for i don't hold all the answers to my questions. I may have summoned all the positive forces in this world for him to buckle up his ass but i guess... the ass is his and not mine. Not God's. Not Fate's.
I already laid out what no decent woman would dare say. I already shredded my skin and left it open for him. I'm just out there and i don't know if someone is out there for me too.It can be so lonely sometimes but i know some people have to go through this rut and that includes me.
I have confessed my innermost desire and my fear and my hopes to someone i barely knew 10 years ago. And let the games begin if there is a game or am i just the one playing?
****
Where do broken hearts go? Do they come around walking along Morato? Do they just pop out with some friends drinking nothing inside a coffeshop? Or do they cook? Either way i just want to know where because i know i've been there but i couldn't remember the address and for that fact that i don't know it, i am blessed. This is not the time for that. Not to me. Not this Time.
As Rose Morgan would put it best when the man he dreamed of came back:
"I'm good enough for you but you're not good enough for me."
Thursday, 02 November 2006
Mercedes, Dominador and Norberta
My very unattached immediate family trooped down the cemetery in San Mateo to visit some of the Ibe-Gomez clan buried six feet under. And those are Mercedes, Dominador and Norberta.
I don't know who Mercedes Gomez is but my Lola said that she was the cousin of my Lolo Dominador or Domeng for short. Now, Dominador is kind of like a mythical figure in our family. He's my lolo by the way from my Moodrahbel's side. When i was in kinder nobody ever mentioned a Lolo in reunions, in birthday parties and in New Years so i presumed there was no Lolo or that he was dead. But come a year before the start of my menstruation He was there--- in reunions, in birthday parties and New Years. He just popped into our family occassions like a bubble. An old man with bumble bee shades smoking tabako like a kapre and sharpening a gulok. And my mum told me to pay respects and do mano.
Nobody ever explained where the hell he was all that time. And i told my Lola that i thought he was dead. I found out that he was a philandering husband and all that story of coming back to the original family and healing old wounds and acceptance and making it seem as if nothing grand had happened.
When i was young, I was used to spending summer vacations at my Lola's house. My alive Lolo would force feed me a tubo (sugar cane) and kalabasa; the yellow vegetable and i should say it did me good because i have a very good memory of people and events. We would also watch together Mara Clara in his old black and white TV. I did bring up my issue with him 'Tay, akala ko patay na kayo dati' He would laugh hard and blow thick smoke out of his tabako. True enough, he did die hours after eating a chock full of balat ng lechon.
During my Dominador's last rites, I never saw my Mom cry. She hid her eyes in those snobbish pitch black shades. She was so busy taking care of everything even checking what brand of cement should be used to top the soil with, what kind of grass to plant etc.
I never really cry at funerals but i cried when i saw my Lola wail. It was hard and reverberating like it wasn't enough for all the TV melodramas to quantify how it is to be abandoned by your husband with 9 children and then come back again not knowing how to rekindle your old flames for each other. It was a deeply rooted wail. Kumbaga may pinaghuhugutan. All the apos get to mano Dominador the last time before he was buried. And a tear of mine fell in his hands while doing my turn of the mano. Creepy.
Norberta! Yes, Norberta. What a name. Norberta is the mother of my Lola. My greatgrandmother. I still saw her alive and bathing in the poso at a crumpy age of 98. She died when she was 102 years old. She would still talk to me only in Ilocano and i don't understand Ilocano. She even ordered me to buy her a soap back then and gave me 5 cents. Haha! I remember my Lola telling me that Lola Norberta is half Japanese half Filipina. So i guess we have part Japanese blood.
My GreatLola Norberta went to Manila from Ilocos to look for her daughter (my Lola) because her daughter was kidnapped in Ilocos. And guess who kidnapped her?
A Manilenyo. It's Dominador.
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This has been my sanctuary for four years already. It's my extension. Almost like a limb out in the open. Know that people want to express, to just chuck it out, to just be themselves even on something as artificial as blog. I am that people. So don't mind me...
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