gengki the newbie

in the virgin forest i enter. gengki spanks and smites. love is all you need but then again i need chocolate too.

 

WHAT I and THEY DID...

For the past year this is what happened to my life. Things that happened that is of great importance to me. My personal movers and shakers. Parang year ender documentary.

1. I finished writing my first ever play. It was mounted on stage and i was so happy because it is one of my wish list before i die that i get to write a play. I kinda directed it in some way. 

2. I had the guts to appear on TV wearing only a pink 2 piece bikini.

3. My boyfriend came to Manille from Paris. The greatest act of love ever. Flying to a third world country just to see your loved one.

4. Breaking up with my boyfriend in the internet cafe. Amidst young people enjoying a network war game, there's this girl crumbling into pieces and crying buckets in front of a cold hearted computer. What a devastation.

5. Flying to Leyte and talking to people who were engulfed by the mudslide in Ginsaugon. Very journalistic experience. It made me feel blessed and thankful.

6. Buying a laptop and tying myself to some financial responsibility for a year.

7. Writing my first ever traditional drama script for commercial TV.

8. Moving out of my old place near the snake pit and moving in to a new neighborhood with a group of security guards as your neighbor.

9. Living in with Mr. Paulie Mora.

10. Chatting up your first love on the internet and telling him the extent of your love for him. He says he's overwhelmed and suddenly  it hits you why now he just came back after 10 years; he's a worthless piece of shit and 10 years of that is just too much. I am a prized assumptionista.

11. Acting again for the longest time on stage. It made me emotional.

12. Acting again for TV this time with a vicks vapor rub poked into your eye as a fucking motivation for you to cry. It made me emotional too.

13. Going to Baguio and realizing that someone is just using you. As in used like an object.

14. Getting the shock of my TV researching history. Because of that i felt so lowly.

15.  Me being gossipped real bad. As in blind item material and showbiz talk show gossip kind.

16. Me, learning to embrace and detach. It comes with experience; this releasing of worry and come what may attitude.

17. Getting a passport, learning a new found skill in skimboarding and going to Boracay for the first time.

18.Me cutting on alcohol and running around UP Diliman in really short shorts.

19. Having someone interested in marrying me.

20. Being very afraid of getting really fat and ugly.

21. Trusting again.

22. Buying an inidoro and getting a bit OC on cleanliness.

posted by: gengcooker at 04:58 | link | comments (1) |

HAPPINESS

Kamakailan lang dahil na rin sa consumerist at capitalist na idea ng pag celebrate ng pasko, na naki-ride naman ako di ba?, 4 na dinner ang dinaluhan ko kasabay ang masasarap na pagkain, halakhakan at pagakin muli at halakhakan at pag dre-dress up para sa mga di miminsang piging na ito.

Unang beses ay sa BISTRO REMEDIOS sa Malate. Kasama ko dito si Paulie at Maryanet. Ang sarap lang ng pagkain at ang sarap lang ng feeling na magbibihis ka ng matino para sa mga kaibigan mo at hindi para mamingwit ng lalake. Inabot ng katakot takot na 800 ang binayaran ko sa restaurant na iyon. Ok lang naman sa akin kasi napaka sarap naman ng pagkain at kasama ko naman ang mga taong nakita akong namulaklak mula college hangga't ako ay nagtrabaho. Dahil late ang iba naming ka-dinner, dumiretso kami sa Starbucks upang makumpleto ang lintek na sticker para sa planner ni Maryanet. Dito sumunod si Shannyboo at si Chubibo. Masaya akong umuwi.

Matapos naman iyon ay isang dinner-dinneran sa mga kaklase ko nung college sa UST. Actually, natulog kami sa isang magarang hotel sa makati sa napaka-babang presyo dahil kay Bumper na isang empleyado sa naturang hotel. So dumaan kami sa buffet ng hotel at neg-estimate ng pagkain na umaabot sa 1,000++. Dahil ako ay sucker para sa masasarap na pagkain, go na go ako gumasta ng mahigit isang libo para sa isang sosyal na buffet pero siyempre buti na lang at binagsak ako sa realidad ni Bumper at sinabi niyang mas maraming mararating na masarap na pagkain ang isanglibo ko tutal nasa Makati naman kami. Kaya sa RECIPES Greenbelt ang bagsak namin.

Isa na namang piging ang nadaluhan ko nang gabing iyon, dahil napaka rami naming inorder. Ang sarap talaga kumain ng masasarap na pagkain. Mas masarap ito kapag hindi minamadali at nagkwe-kwentuhan lang.

Itong Pasko, aminin mo, nagsalo-salo kaming pamilya. Kaming anim. Kumpleto. Walang angsts. Masarap magluto ang moodrahbel ko ng spaghetti. Masarap na rin ka-kwentuhan ang mga magulang ko lalo na't alam nilang malalaki na ang mga anak nila at any monument ay mag-aasawa na ang iba. Masarap na sana kaso tulog ang gravy sauce ng manok. Pero natutuwa ako dahil unti-unti na rin kaming nagiging normal na pamilya... sa wakas. **sniff sniff** bwahaha

At kanina lang, kumain na naman kaming orgmates sa MOOMBA at nagkwentuhan ng nagkwentuhan ng walang humpay. Mas madami ang attendance ngayon ng ibang orgamates. Mabuti na lang at sa QC area ang dinner namin. Siyempre nag-dress up ulit ako. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, i'm going back to basics.

Back to basics. Naka palda lang. Paminsang high heels. Masarap na pagkain. Malutong na halakhak. Matinding asaran. Masasayang kaibigan.

Na discover ko na ang mga bagay na magpapasaya talaga sa akin. Iyon ang pagkain ng masasarap na pagkain kasama ang mga mahal mo sa buhay particulary ang mga kaibigan at pamilya mo.

posted by: gengcooker at 17:46 | link | comments (1) |

CHILLED WALKS

I just got back from Baguio 3 days ago. The December air in Baguio is perfect for people needing some change of atmosphere and for long walks along the Session road.

Walking along Session road is really something; from the tip near the SM Baguio mall down to an intersection nearing the public market. The downhill part reminds you of the New York bustle depicted in movies. Lots of black dots bouncing on its own declared space. Session road has that melancholic setting that makes you want to cuddle and breathe deep. The lights are yellow making your skin less pored and the amount of street dirt is bearable it can be used as nuances for your cinematic musings on life. 

I am not gonna talk about the horses, pine trees, strawberries and peanut brittles (the most overrated Baguio pasalubong). I went there for some change of atmosphere. It was what i needed. The city isn't maddening but i need something. I'm not really bored.

Me, Carls, JP and J are scheduled for that trip but the 2 men backed out for valid reasons so i ended up going to Baguio with J, my ex boyfriend. We stayed in his Uncle Naas lovely la vakasayon grande type of home along Balacbac road. Its a good thing too that me and J are the closest ex couple of the century. And we don't dispel and avoid talking about getting together again, we are just together as good friends and we both know its not gonna go that far. Our relationship is kinda weird because we can really look like a couple and we never get awkward that one is falling for another. We just get along. I shop and he carries all my stuff. Haha!

The change of atmosphere comes in the moment i entered the home of Uncle Naas. They all speak and understand Ilocano. I'm a frustrated Ilocano speaker and a Belgian speaking fluent Ilocano makes me salivate over being an Ilocano more than ever.

Uncle Naas is a wonder. Just like any European, he loves and engages in serious stuff. He balked about politics in the Philippines, how to change society and the steps he took to make this country a better place to live in. He knows the Filipino psyche more than i do. It’s a good thing actually but it makes me feel like he's splatting me my dung in my face. It makes me bitter sometimes to be having this kind of society--- Filipino society. Poodrahbel suggested that the only cure for this society is to wipe out all Filipinos with an Anthrax virus and create a new breed of Filipinos. Haaay… sounds so science fiction to me.

Here's Uncle Naas. He looks like the Pope. If you add some chinchansu on his face and don him a black cloak he'll look like Darth Siddius of Star Wars. I like him really. He thinks greatly of this country if we only know how to work things. He said if he becomes president he'll ban people from going abroad, we should clean up our own mess.

He's married to a Filipina doctor in Baguio named Tita Juliet . They have a 10 year old kid named Karen. Now, Karen isn't a stone's throw away from his father. She's still a kid anyway and a very pampered one being the only daughter of a Belgian national and a doctora. Now, i have a dislikness for pampered kids mainly because i never had the luxury to be pampered back then so i'm allowing my past horrors to affect me in small amounts particularly in dealing with kids like Karen.  

She watches TV all day after school, she wolfs her food down in 3 seconds and she has 3 servings of rice in a meal. Uncle Naas and Tita Juliet acts like a food police on her everytime we eat. She took my hand one time and dragged me to her room just to show how many books she has read  as if to show me that TV watching is very much compensated by all the children's books she has around.

She showed me her 5-6 medals in full kayabangan to which also my mayabang and patolera mode came in with a bang as i told her that i had so many medals when i was your age i couldn't count them anymore and sometimes i throw them away! Aha! And her eyebrows stretched as far as Manila (and a 10 year old kid at that!).

While killing time, she had a contest between me and J where she would judge us on who would be the best reader of Guy de Maupassant's The Necklace. Of course, J won and i had zero points daw because i talked too fast and couldn't stress the dialogue parts. Duchcck! I told her i don't need points from reading because i won 2 declamation contests in elementary school back then. And she gave me a look as if to tell me that i am such a fucking bitch for telling her that.  Patulan talaga ang bata di ba? Anyway, she's still a kid and a nice one when she grows up. I took her a picture upon risk of me being shoved. I told her she looked cute.

The food served to us for 3 days was very yummy, organic and Ilocano! We had organic salad every meal and they had their own secret vinaigrette which i asked from Ate Amy. They make their own yogurt and mayonaisse. And its the first time i ate whole wheat pasta with home made mayonaisse and cooked ground beef as sauce! And i get to eat the ultimate Ilocano food next to pinakbet which is usually served at my Lola's house--- dinengdeng!

With one look, this Ilocano dish screams at you with all the vitamins, minerals and fibers inside it!

Baguio is a nice place to live in especially if you really are in love as in smack down head over heels in love. It has become a bit crowded with additional Koreans hiking around in their costumes. Koreans are everywhere lately!

The chilled city is also loved by moi due to its  25 peso flag down rates and very honest taxi drivers who give you the exact change until your last butal of piso.

 

My Baguio trip mode ended abruptly on our last day as i had more shocking news from work which, i think, can lead me to another change of atmosphere for a time. These small cellphones can really give me so much headache with so big of a news i want to know what they feel for being the the bringer of it. I lost all my giddiness in searching for the perfect brocoli and the Baguio chorizo so i ended up buying a 3 for 100 doormat.

I say, be careful what you wish for.

posted by: gengcooker at 07:46 | link | comments |

HETO...

Ay ang sakit sakit ng mata ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero ang sakit niya. Kanina galing ako sa isang taping ng isang pantanghaling telenovela para sa kapuso network. Ito ang tinatawag kong raket. Umaarte ako sa TV pero di naman ako excited na makita ang sarili ko sa TV kasi na realize ko na iba ang kurba ng likod ko. Ako ay kuba. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako naging kuba. Siguro kasi hindi ako mahilig uminom ng gatas pero kumakain naman ako ng mga pagkaing rich in calcium. Naiinis ako kasi kuba ako sa TV. Meron na rin namang nagtangkang ayusin ang aking likod dahil nga nag-slouch daw ako. Ewan ko feeling ko kasi kapag nag straighten up ako parang ang yabang ng dating ko. Eh ang tapang na nga ng mukha ko at mukha pa akong suplada at di pa ako palangiti so sa tingin ko kalabisan na yung masyadong straight ang likod.

Meron din pala akong 2 friend na out of the blue sinabi nila na meron silang nakikitang kulay green sa aking aura. Yung 2 kong friend na iyon ay marunong talaga magbasa ng parang something sa tao pero not necessarily fortune tellers sila. Ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng green? Pera? Marahil kasi nag-uumpisa na ako mag-save at for me malaking katuturan na sa akin iyon knowing me na isa akong gastador lalo na sa pagkain. Sabi naman ni Anne ang nakikita niyang green sa akin ay parang isang lugar na maraming greens at malamig pero walang snow. Hmmm... ako ba ay lalabas ng bansa? or pupunta lang sa UP Diliman para mag jogging? Ewan ko pero sana kung ano naman iyon... gusto ko lang ma surprise.

Kahapon may ginawang pictorial dito sa bahay namin. May pinasuot na skimpy red bikini ang mga kapitbahay kong bakla at ginawa nila akong mannequin. Nilagyan nila ng 3 klaseng kulot na wig ang buhok ko at pina-suot sa akin ang kulay pulang maillot na may krisis sa tela at spandex. Tada! Pwede na akong poster girl ng alak.

At siyempre natuwa sila sa akin kaya kung ano-anong posing ang ginawa ko sa bahay. Nariyang naka sandal, niroromansa ang ding ding, naka-harang sa pinto, kalahating ngiti at sumisilip sa butas, nakaliyad, nakatingin sa kawalan, nakadungaw sa bintana effect, nakahiga at kung anik anik pang posing na makikita lang sa mga magasin ng FHM. Paminsan talaga ibang klase rin ang mga pangyayari dito sa bahay namin. Kagila-gilalas!

Nag-enjoy naman ako pero ubod ng landi ang mga pose at parang iba pala ang feeling kapag nakita mong nakabuyang-yang ang sarili mo sa picture, eh di siyempre mas lalo na kung sa magasin de bah? Paano pag na sight ito ng tatlo kong kapatid na lalake? Pero siyempre di naman nila makikita iyon. Mabuti na rin for a time naka-experience ako ng ganito bago pa humulas ang katawan ko. Oy, pero di ako malandi ah at wala akong balak na mag boldstar at kabugin sila Angel Locsin, though for a time ninais kong i-try for a change sumali ng binibining pilipinas... Ito yung picture nung parang behind the scenes... haha. Kakahiya kung ipo-post ko yung actual pic na naka posing talaga.

Isang kilo ata ang bigat ng wig na yan. Sabi ni O ilagay ko daw iyan sa friendster pic ko. Hindi hoy. Baka pag nag reunion kami ng mga high school batchmates ko isipin nila na boldstar nako.  At least naging ST star ako for a day kahit sa balay lang namin.

Trivia: Yung red na bikini ay sinuot na ni Katrina Halili sa pelikula niyang Gigil bago siya makipag-sex kay Alfred Vargas sa Boracay habang humahampas ang bagyo. Yung kapitbahay ko kasi ang AD nung pelikula kaya kinuha niya yung bathing shoot.

 

 

posted by: gengcooker at 12:02 | link | comments (1) |

Josefina the great

 

Usually when I need a new space or something to change my atmosphere, I still drastically dream of relocating to another country. But it is not feasible, so the most instant change of atmosphere for me would be to troop down to the suburbs of Deparo to my Lola’s house.

 

My Lola is the first one to tell me the basics of being woman. She told me to never let anyone wash your panties. Always respect your parents no matter how disrespectful they seem to be. It’s not good for a woman not to know how to cook because up to now I still don’t know how. She was the first one who taught me how to cook Sinigang and Adobo with tomatoes.  And even before all the brouhaha of whitening products, she told me to slather papaya fruits so I can look more maputi. She was the first one who told me that I should just let my pimples be in the nicest way possible

 

Josefina is my Lola. And I call her Nanay because she said that Lola sounds so Lola to her. I don’t understand her on that part but she has her mind.

 

A mind of her own. She fed all of her 9 children by washing tons of clothes and after all the usual survival stories of the mothers and fathers of the 60's, she tells me she doesn’t like Jennylyn Mercado because she thinks she has sira ng ulo. She prefers Yasmien Kurdi.

 

When I was young, Nanay fooled me into thinking that Richard Gomez was part of our clan--- the Gomez clan. I believed her totally and started spreading news to all of my elementary classmates. Goma was dark and so is our Tatay (our Lolo). And she convinced me to eat all the kalabasa that Tatay was putting in my mouth because it can make my eyes so clear i can see through what one is thinking about me (which is kinda true in a magical realist way) 

 

One thing more, Nanay is the quintessential Taray queen of our family. She was ultimately suplada as if she was the only one awake when God showered katarayan in Ilocos Sur. Her katarayan spilled onto some of the female descendants including moi. But her katarayan has a quirky side which I so love. Back then when all of the chocolate pasalubongs were in her refrigerator and of course we all cousins ate up all our chocolate, nobody would dare come up to her and ask for another chocolate bar. I did that. I dared. And she would really lash out at me, telling me how matakaw I was and blah-blah-blah until she tells me where exactly inside the ref the chocolates are hidden. To which I would signal my cousins to attack. Such youngster delight!

 

Time, indeed, has simmered her down. She watches Eat Bulaga and laughs a lot at Joey de Leon. She talks to her cat. She is amazed at pictures I let her see of places I’ve been to. Lately we just talk about her past; how beautiful she was back then in Ilocos with Perla soap as her face’s soap. How she would laugh secretly at my sarcastic jokes. I just love talking to her.

posted by: gengcooker at 16:51 | link | comments (1) |

BAKA NAMAN PAG-IBIG LANG

2 nights ago. The former Palafox wanted to meet us old college buddies because she wanted to meet us. Hay, i never thought that after college we would be talking about life and journeys and getting a Pag-ibig housing loan.

The topic somehow shifted to my family life. A lot of people are actually curious about my family. I never really brought friends over at our family house. We are so unlike a Filipino family. For one, me being the only girl of 3 brothers, was the first one to leave the house and just move out. Some people could not get that my mother can do that to her unica hija; let her leave the house and live in the busy parts of QC. And almost everybody is aware of my moodrahbel issues of not getting along way way back even in highschool.  One thing though that separates us from every Filipino family is the basic union of moodrahbel and poodrahbel. It is only one aspect in our untypical family household. The parenting style is another gargantuan addition to how we were brought up in a weird day. Now, let's focus on Moodrahbel and Poodrahbel.

Well, they're exact opposites in many ways. Before they met, Poodrahbel looks like a farmer in the morning and a janitor in the evening. My mother is a campus beauty queen and an Ortigas snob. They met fantastically in an event where backgrounds and faces doesn't matter--- the Palanca Awards back in the late 70's.

Moodrah was the snotty assistant of the Palanca clan and Poodrah was an awardee that night. You know, like an uptight secretary meeting a starving artist. But no, when you get a Palanca at that height of Philippine Literature you are as way cuter as Johnny Depp. And my Moodrah liked that since she graduated at the top of her class and only one of the best writers in the country could hit on her. And poodrah really did while they were posing for a photo-op for a winners' circle. Well, writers are known to really brood on beautiful women. And honestly, as i saw my Moodrah's pics back then, i asked myself if i was really her daughter--- para bang issue ni Charming kila Bakekang. Ampon ba ako?  (though I have my mother's snobby air sometimes)

And they got together. Moodrahbel was accompanied by Poodrahbel on their way home to which my critically acclaimed Lola would snort  upon seeing Poodrahbel " Lina, bakit sinabayan ka pa ng janitor ninyo dito sa bahay?" Ganun talaga kapanget ang ama ko noon. Pero ngayon ok na, mukha naman siyang hired assassin na ala Jean Reno sa Leon The Professional (naks).

They're marriage was a tumble of sorts. Poodrahbel was a painter, writer, gardener, martial artist and art connoisseur. Moodrahbel worked for 25 years in the country's leading beermaker and was always snotty, silent and just so Makati snob (5 times more mataray than me, imagine that). They were like Dharma and Greg together except that Dharma was my dad and Greg was my mom. Sometimes i think about myself and what kind of marriage scenario i would be getting into. And my Poodrahbel likes to display public affection to Moodrahbel while she's just a prehistoric rock of emotions.

Before i turned 18, my Poodrahbel disappeared in our house and Moodrahbel was bent on thinking that he was ambushed ala Bubby Dacer because of his political writings in the paper. No, he ambushed himself and hiked off away for 2 years leaving us, his family, into a bit of  a nose dive financially. Poodrahbel said, over eating siomai, that Moodrahbel broke his heart (upon which i cried in front of him). They were not the same people back when they were just hitting on each other during the Palanca Awards. They had problems with their marriage. Poodrahbel came back eventually amidst a dragon fire of words and nail scratches from the missus. They're ok as if nothing happened. They really are ok now. We have a new house actually. Moorahbel is retired and a houswife while my Poodrahbel still passionately writes.

I think i asked him one time why did he come back and how could he stand a woman so cold, calculated and so unlike him. You know what he said. Pag-ibig lang.

posted by: gengcooker at 15:25 | link | comments (1) |

THIS IS WHAT I WAS AFRAID...

I knew it would happen. I knew it.

Last week i had been a cause of delay for about 5 minutes in a 2nd unit (dackable)  production team. And why is that? I couldn't cry. They were waiting for me to have that cut of tear and i barely knew that they were waiting for that.

The scene was in a cemetery and i am visiting an infant that has long been dead 8 years ago. So the D placed me on my blocking; kneel, not too high, ok, move to your right a little and place your bangs behind your ear where it belongs, don't move too down because you'll exit frame. All right. And my cue for the line was for L to come up to me and ask me what i was doing there. So i waited. Then D suddenly whispered to me that he wants me to look pained since the dead infant was my baby and i sold him to a doctor. Oh, ok. Look painful. Pained. Pained and painful. Kneeling with pain. But still nothing is happening. Then D went again and whispered to me that i should look guilty as well because i have committed a very grave mistake to my child. Ok. Well, he really wants me to cry. But i can't, what if i got over it now? It's been 8 years anyway. That has been circulating in my head and my emotions didn't even shift to a painful one.

And then Bochok came...

The make up artist asked me if i was having a hard time crying. Then on cue he took a tissue and whirled it pointed and dabbed Vicks vapor rub on to the tip and asked me stay calm. Poked the pointed tissue with Vicks vapor rub on my eyes and then i ran a stream of tears after that. Oh gosh, that stung my eyes. And Bochok looked at D telling him that i was ok. And the tears came flowing endlessly as if i'd be dehydrated. Streaming tears. Maria Cristina falls. No. Niagara falls kind of tears. L approached me and my only line was: Ikaw? (you?) while the Niagara falls kept drowning me. And cut!

I approached kuya D and apologized because i did had a hard time crying in an instant and if i caused a fuss since i'm just a bit actor. And he said that its ok because he knows me and he told me that the worst actor he ever handled in crying scenes was Rainier Castillo whom he thinks never had any moment of gloom and bleak in his whole life.

I don't really like it. Making me cry in an instant as if i was an instant noodle. My dislikeness for that feeling levels with my dislikeness for people who spit in public and throw trash in the sea. But i am an actor first, ever since i was young i always wanted to do this. Be in the form of another person on stage preferably. This thing that happened bothers me a lot. I'm getting confused. I'm acting on TV because of the money. Yeah, just show me the money and nothing more. But i hope it wouldn't destruct me. I need to rebuff this. I do. I don't know how but i guess i have to talk to my teachers in tapets again.

And i went home and told my friend about what happened and guess what he told me?

Oh my God geng, di ka na aktres? And i was dumbfounded. Gosh.

 

posted by: gengcooker at 03:46 | link | comments (2) |