gengki the newbie

in the virgin forest i enter. gengki spanks and smites. love is all you need but then again i need chocolate too.

 

DEAR KISSER,

Hi, this is the right moment to talk something about kissing. I'm hearing Des'ree's Kissing You song. Such a wonderful song not necessarily related to the act of kissing but the song just kisses me smack into a fine idea. It makes my bones turn into a carnival of saccharine delusions.

I want to be kissed. Yes, i do. Its one of the best things that i enjoy more than making love and shitting. 2 nights ago, i had this sudden attack of restlessness. Tossing and turning in every angle a chair can occupy my butt. I was desperately looking for beer--- a strong one. I kept biting my nails and eating little shards of skin from it. I get the shivers. I have to bend my back down as a form of surrender to what i really want to do. I breathe in deep and breathe out in counts with you not knowing so you can't calculate what i need at that moment.  Because i badly need to be kissed.

Yes! YES! A kiss. Not on the friekin forhead like what my poodrhabel did after he said mean things to me. Not the beso beso, plastic or not, that you get from friends. Not just a friekin smack on the lips as if that would make the germs on the tongue excite. I want to be kissed. Brush my lips to yours and yours to mine. Look you in the eye like seeing a red traffic light. Eclipse the eyes and thrust my half body.  No tongue yet but it will come. Its gonna be sweet and tender. Mouth and mouth with a little snorting involved and counted breaths. And then the revolution. The tongue. Perfect.

So it's all in my head. It's really good to daydream of kissing. But before that and all that, i have to get a fucking beer. Make my innards support me to this heavenly execution of human interaction. At least it will make me stop biting my cuticles. And make me think of advancing myself though i know you are supposed to do that. But what a liberation if i, whom you never thought would do, will do it. And so i began. Leave everything for a moment. The song in my head. Spit out the grinded cuticles. Pucker up and then look at you straight. And stop.

I was successful.

posted by: gengcooker at 09:42 | link | comments (3) |

NASAMPAL KA NA BA NI DEXTER DORIA?

Me? A resounding yes.

Siguro mga two weeks ago ata iyon. Tinatakot niya kasi ako sa isa sa mga eksena namin. Eh ang lola niyo, matatakutin talaga, kaya't natakot naman ako. Although, pinag-usapan naman namin at pinaki-usapan ko siya na i can't rely on my own to have that more authentic takot feel emanated on the screen, i have to get energy from my co-actor. Yes, this is the real deal of acting as from what i have learned in PETA,. You share and be one with whoever is with you on that stage. Sabi ko pa nga: Tita Dex, surprise me na lang. At surprise with a capital S talaga ang nakuha ko--- sampal.  And who could have done that better than THE Dexter Doria of local showbiz.

For those who don't know at nagfe-feeling indie masyado sa buhay, Dexter Doria is a commercial actress who usually essay the roles of the scornful madrasta, greedy mother-in-law, strict teacher and all the other antagonist types who make life a living hell for our prized protagonist. In short, she's an underrated, ubiquitous character actress. Ka-linya na niya sila Odette Khan, Celia Rodriguez at Bella Flores. Mukha pa lang alam mo nang may lalabas na mura at lait.

About the sampal? Well, masakit siya pero ang sarap ng feeling pagkatapos. Siya kaya ang first onscreen slapper ko. 

A slap is really something. You can have yourself kicked, punched, spewed, injected on every part of your body but a slap on the face is just a fucking diva among all the physical thrusts you can get in your lifetime. A slap on the face is desecration of all things beautiful about you. A sacrilege on your pores.A disturbance on your blackheads. An act so cathartic that when you get slapped your mind fills up every bad thing that happened to you. Its like a spit on your ancestors grave. And we're not talking about the initial hurt, the hurt comes from within and your emotions get switched on and voila! you become a lean mean vengeful snake. Because you were slapped in the face.

So after being slapped by Dexter Doria. She congratulated me, asked me if i was ok and told me that my face was really nakaka-awa. My good theatre friend has observed that my face, when crying, is really pitiful. So i can't really do comedy. Haha! Real actors can be very psychotic sometimes and according to somebody i heard, some artists have borderline tendencies to become insane because of tweaking emotions.

So yesterday, again, i was slapped not by Tita Dex but by Lotlot de Leon. Siguro naman kilala niyo na yan. Siya anak ni Nora Aunor at ex ni Monching.

posted by: gengcooker at 04:02 | link | comments (5) |

SKIN ANALYSIS

Ito na nga ba ang sinasabi ko eh.

Tinext ako ni AD na i-try ko daw magpa diamond peel. Para daw kasing vina-vaccum ang fez mo and from the tiny hole in the diamond peeling machine you can see all your dead skin cells.

Eh bakit pa kailangan ipakita? What for? Deds na nga eh.

So siyempre, me being a wannabe guinea pig of all beauty products and beauty regimens which i think is deeply rooted to my angsty puberty days of how all my lovely aunts and cousins would look at my face as if they've seen a  greasy skillet. Ha! I don't care. Poodrahbel has always comforted me that i am smarter than all of my cousins because i have already read One Hundred Years of Solitude at age 14 and they are still hooked on Sweet Valley High. Ha! Levelling sa authors ito. Enough of my angsts.

Eto na.

Masarap naman magpa diamond peel eh. Imagine a small carpet vaccum hitting your face. You feel some force field is being sucked up out your face. And for that matter. The force field that was sucked up from my face was the force field my Poodrahbel had lovingly built since i  was 13 where zits started attacking me. In short, my beauty from within ego just went through that tube with a fancy name. Well, time to face the truth about how bad my skin is now and even if you have read so many good books, it just won't matter.

So this beautiful lady, who looks like a dermatologist, made a skin analysis on where else? My face. She knew i had chicken pox scar on my forhead. And that my face was a combination face meaning not normal. My pores aren't small and they're open so i should use a toner. I have a pigmentation near my cheek because of sun exposure. She showed me the gazillion whiteheads i had through a machine that lets you see what the eyes cannot. Very interesting machine indeed. 

Oh and she told me i had warts. Yes. Warts. Oh fuck, they're warts? I thought they were just moles on the face. Nope, they're warts. And she pointed out all the warts in my face as if pointing out in a globe all the countries involved in the Asean summit. Oh my gosh, I have warts. Hindeeeeeeh!

I could have gotten it from making beso-beso or if i had a boyfriend who had warts. Well, i don't care where i got it but it seems i got them in the nicest way possible, haha. It could be thru greeting friends and sharing delight or through cuddling a boyfriend and making love.

But warts are warts. And i have to remove them through some sort of facial electrocution called cauterization. And i will have them removed when i get the dough.

Funny indeed that these warts were passed on to me unknowingly in the most purest of intentions--- human contact. I am human and humans need other humans which i call my friends and loved ones. And if they come back these warts then i guess it means i have loved (or maybe i'm just a filthy woman. haha).

So in a positive light, i call them Love Warts. How sweet it is to be infected by these so called love warts. And that's how my force field was built again.

 

posted by: gengcooker at 18:21 | link | comments (3) |

JUST IN TIME

I feel blessed nowadays. Mansanas just told me that i still look exactly the same as i was in college but meatier like a tenderjuicy hotdog. She told me that she saw some of our old batchmates in college that didn't look the same as they were back then. I feel blessed because i know i am discreetly vain on how i look.  I am very discreet with all things vain and womanly.

Hindi naman ako hulog ng langit sa mga kalalakihan. But you see, i am surrounded with beautiful people in college which are my friends up to now so i guess i became one. Haha. And it is true. What you gather around you is what you become. A very simple principle of mixing fresh tomatoes to rotten ones. O di ba, may mother nature basis. Though, for a time, i became ugly din because people who surround me 24/7 were ugly people too and right now they're in their ugliest state. So siyempre fly away ako doon dahil na realize ko na nagmukha na akong adik at sing gaspang na ng papel de liha ang bunganga ko. Ayoko ng pangit, ayoko ng marumi at ayoko ng masikip ika nga ni Maricel Soriano.

So apart from beautiful friends, siyempre hindi mo na rin i-let go ang sarili mo. Take care of yourself. Natutunan ko sa isa kong friend na bakla na dapat ay nagmo-moisturizer daw. So na discover ko ito noong early 20s ako--- hindi ko alam kung may epekto.  Well, early 20's pa rin naman ako.

Yang mga seven signs of skin aging na yan. ewan ko. Hindi ko alam. Although isa ako sa mga unang bumili sa market nang unang lumabas iyan. at hindi ko siya feel. Ang bigat sa mukha para akong nag pahid ng graba, so itinigil ko kasi para akong may semento sa mukha di ba. Pero lately since back to basics ang theme ng life ko for 2007 (invent a theme for the year!). I went really back to basics. Ponds cold cream sa gabi habang nagche-check ng nightly news.  Positive thoughts at running around ulit. O di ba napaka basic. Although yung friend ko ni recommend ako mag pa diamond peel pero i have yet to try that.

Hindi ko alam kung may epekto rin ang back to basics ko sa aking physical state pero emotionally meron kasi mas masaya ako at mas malutong ako tumawa. Speaking of the unphysical state, ang sarap pala ng mga kakornihang ligaw ano? Yung mga punyetang patext-text. Ako kasi, never ako naging fan ng mga pahangin ligaw sa text pero lately na appreciate ko na siya. Kasi kung cute naman siya di ba? Keri na yung text text.

And then naisip ko na naman muli, never pa pala ako nagkaroon ng normal relationship sa tanang ng buhay ko. Yung typical standardized Filipino relationship. Kunin ang number, magtextan: Kumain na u?, mag-date, mag-telebabad, mag-date ulit, after 2-3 months sagutin ang lalake, maghintayan, magsunduan, magbigayan ng regalo, gumimik magkasama, maghalikan patago, mag-motel sa anniversary, mabuntis at magpakasal.

Well, generally speaking ganyan ang alam kong shelf life ng mga pinoy when it comes to relationships, pero malay ko ba kung may iba nang set-up. or baka naman aggresive lang ako which i beg to disagree kasi never naman ako nahilig sa mga paglalandian sa opposite sex. At hindi pala ako marunong makipag-flirt sa lalake. Sa bar, pag may nakita akong lalake na type ko... ayun nakita ko lang siya. Pero wala na. Maglalasing na lang ako at tatawa ng tatawa tapos kapag lasing na talaga...  para na lang akong flower pot... di na ako gagalaw. Isa rin yan sa principle of back to basics... super way back nga lang dahil panahon pa ni Jose Rizal ang back to basics na yun.

Pero aminin mo, nakakaganda ang mga giddy moments. So back to basics pa rin.

posted by: gengcooker at 03:16 | link | comments (1) |