*** gengki the newbie ***

Monday, 15 October 2007

EMO.. GALIT... EMO... GALIT...

Nagising ako at naisip ko na hindi pala ako madaling magpatawad. Gusto ko sanang mamuhay nang walang pangit na pangitain na lumalabas sa isang tao pero mahirap pala para sa akin. Hirap akong i apply sa buhay ko ang past is past lalo na kapag hindi maganda ang umpisa.

Si M ay kailan ko lang napatawad after 10 years. Pinagdasal ko na sana makalimutan ko na ang lahat ng nangyari at walang nangyari sa amin. Mahal ko siya at parte siya ng buhay ko, oo, pero napaka sensitive ko palang tao pag dating sa kanya. Hanggang ngayon kapag nire-recall ko ang past emotional status ko sa kanya--- nanginginig pa rin ang batok ko't napapaluha. Pero ngayon, kahit hindi niya alam ang nangyayaring kumbulsyon sa puso ko that time, ok na kami at mahal na mahal ko siya.

Si S ay isa sa mga pinaka despised kong tao simula nang magtrabaho ako. Gusto ko siyang ipapatay paminsan.  Inabot ng 4-5 taon bago mawala sa isipan ko na sana matapilok siya't mabagok sa mata. Galit na galit ako sa kanya at dahil sa kanya na discover ko ang emotional range ng galit ko. Pero san ka naman ngayon... nakita ko siya muli sa premiere night ng movie at nginitian ko pa siya at pinagbentahan ng ticket.

Si A na lang at ang kanyang lupon ang so far pinagdadasal ko na sana turuan ako ng Diyos magpatawad. Madali kasi akong mabasa at desisyon ko na hindi maging accomodating na tao sa mga taong pinagdesisyunang kong hindi ko gusto--- isa na si A doon. Sabi nila its your decision not to like someone kasi we can always decide to scrape away what we don't like and focus on the likeable things. Ako, i chose not to do anything to like A.

Lahat ng mga tao yun ay may ugat ng pang-aapi from their part. Parang sa soap opera. At siyempre na-hurt ako pero hurt in all caps and bold fonts. Sa tanang ng buhay ko sila pa lang ang pinagtaniman ko ng sama ng loob at ginusto ko iyon kaya nga humihingi ako ng tulong sa Diyos na magpa-ulan ng forgiveness sa Morato. Sana dalawin din ako ni Buddha sa panaginip for enlightenment. 

Masayahin akong tao, I swear, pero malupit rin pala ang pagdedesisyon ko para sa iba at ramdam nila yun. Aries kasi ako eh.. stubborn.

posted by gengcooker at 16:36 | link | comments (1)


Friday, 05 October 2007

ON FILIPINO BASHING...BOW

Patulog na sana ako nang ma-bother ako sa booming voice ni Arnold Clavio dahil kay Cory Aquino at ang Daily Show ( yung show ni Jon Stuart sa Comedy Central). Nagamit ang mukha ni Madame Cory sa isang derogatory video clip on one comedy segment asking the viewers if America is ready for a woman President. Nakita dun yung pic ni Cory with a gradeschool scribbling of the word SLUT while the rest of the other women presidents like Golda Meir and Margaret Thatcher are in a similar demeaning light. Siyempre nag react ang mga Aquino at number one na diyan si Kris.

And even before that, na-jombag ang image ng mga Filipino medical professionals in the US over a racist slur ni Teri Hatcher sa Desperate Housewives. Most hated ko pa naman na character sa Desperate Housewives si Susan (played by Teri Hatcher) and i hate her still dahil sa katangahan niya. If she was wise enough to research makikita niya na ang early education ng mga Filipinos are from the Thomasites which are American Priests. So heller? That's how stupid her character is and she's a stupid housewife anyway. So given na she would say stupid things like she wants to check the diplomas of her doctors because they might be from some med school in the Philippines. Eh ang doktor kaya ni Bill Clinton ay Pinoy.

 Buti pa si Bree Van de Kamp. I so love her--- that classy bitch bored housewife of Wisteria Lane. So hindi naman ganun katindi ang uproar of emotions ko nang kumalat yang issue na yan sa internet and news. Tanga naman yung nagbitaw eh.

About the Cory Aquino thing naman... oh well.. i would be annoyed and i would have rolled my eyes over if i was Cory but thats it and i'm not gonna put up an armada for that.

Cheap attempt at humor yung skit. Mas natatawa pa ako sa Bubble Gang. Nag react ba ang mga Britons over Margaret Thatcher's picture na similar to Britney Spears' pose on american tabloid without her panties? I guess mas may karapatan siguro sila magalit but then hindi nila siguro papatulan yun dahil Britons can crack better bloody  humor than that. The comedy segment isn't in anyway humorous to begin with so umpisa pa lang corny na tapos gagamitan mo ng mga other women presidents as comparison to their country if they were ruled by a woman? If that was comedy then ang chaka nun. Tignan mo naman kung gaano ka-chaka ang presidente nila.

Naalala ko lang about this writer in Manila Standard ata, She was on a plane with OFW's and she wrote something about their behavior in her column. Many said she was Anti Filipino etc. But its weird kasi she was just stating facts. And people just can't handle it when something true is thrown at them. Same goes with the Claire Danes thing about cockroaches and dingy stuff she saw here in Manila. Sa laki ng Maynila yung mga ipis lang talaga ang napansin niya noh? But hey, its true, for somebody used to clean places aba'y natural naman na ganun ang reaction. Mahiya naman ang mga TAO dito dahil di nila napapansin na parang may kadumihan pala ang Maynila. Ano kayang pwedeng gawin natin? Aha! i-ban natin si Claire Danes sa Maynila...  garbage problem solved.    

Mga Pilipino talaga minsan. Mabatuhan lang ng tae sa mukha magagalit na. I suggest kumuha muna tayo ng pamunas para linisin ang tae hindi yung iniipon natin yung tae sa ating brown skinned faces and then lets take it from there... the retaliation. Bwahahaha!

And there goes my one peso worth of wisdom.

PS. Naisip ko lang. Kung mag-aklas lahat ng mga Filipino workers sa iba't ibang bansa malamang ma paralyze ang mundo. Ang dami kasi nating nakakalat... para tayong pimples sa likod.

posted by gengcooker at 17:35 | link | comments


Wednesday, 03 October 2007

DEAR DEAR LIFE

Oh, look at what life has offered me recently...ewan ko ba... it disappoints me at times to know how some people can be so... i can't find the words. so i'll put this in a question: What do you do with people who judged you at first and now forgot about what they did and are within your parameters of daily life? It's not similar to first impressions like i thought you were a bitch but then ok ka pala so we get along well now. It's more than that. What do you do with people who didn't treat you what is deserving of you back then and now act as if everything's alright?

i just can't get over it right now. This can be bad for my health but i simply can't lie to my systems and just turn over a leaf like that. And people close to me know that. If you sit me with THAT person in the same table then it's like you seated her next to a corpse. That's how cold it gets there. Yeah yeah i have to forgive and just move on about all those incidents so i guess my moving on meant not being on the bus with them or probably running  them over with the moving on part. hahaha!

Ako pa naman si Ms. Happy Happy Joy Joy pero minsan nagiging Ms. Antarctica. At times na contradict ko rin ang mga sinasabi ko regarding this part of my dilemma. Kasi di ba they're the ones who didn't give me a chance to have a clean slate because of presumptions about me at dahil diyan bad shot na sila sa akin forever? What about their slates? So i'm not giving them a chance to have their redemption? Pero sila naman ang nauna eh at dahil doon iyon na ang naging image ko about them so i'll do away with their chances of proving na hindi sila ganun? Hindi ko alam. May lamat na kasi. Hindi na rin naging maganda ang exeprience ko with them at first and honestly i didn't really deserve it. It was something new to me.

In the house where i grew up, we were taught to decipher the bad tomatoes from the good not just by looking at it.

Tao lang ako.

posted by gengcooker at 23:28 | link | comments

This has been my sanctuary for four years already. It's my extension. Almost like a limb out in the open. Know that people want to express, to just chuck it out, to just be themselves even on something as artificial as blog. I am that people. So don't mind me...